u/Wooden_Sea_3668

I don't see why we can't just get our results at least the WEEK they're marked through some app. Having to wait until a specific date is just too stressful and straight up ruins so much of the holiday for us people who can't get our minds off of our results.

A few days ago, I had a nightmare about getting bad results! It's genuinely driving me insane! Just constant pressure day in and day out. It's borderline cruel.

I don't know what else to say. I don't have anybody to talk to from school, no friends. Nothing. Everyday just feels the exact same, like a cycle. I get up, do something, sleep.
There's no meaning I can find in these months. It just feels so lonely and isolating more than anything, and it's making me feel miserable.

From the bottom of my heart, I miss school. I miss so much of it. You think in the moment, "I can't wait to get away from all the work". But now, you realise just how depressing it is to get away from the social life you once had. It's like one side is completely blinded to you and then suddenly revealed once you're gone.

At the end of it all, I just miss this one specific person who made my life the happiest it ever was when they were around.

I'm not talking as in our grades, scores, or GCSE's. Honestly, those are what I'm worried about the least right now with having them all pretty much out of the way. It's the end of friendships or routine that freaks me out. I know someone who's very special to me who's going to another college. Someone I can't keep in contact with outside of school for reasons I can't say. Realising now that our time face to face is finite is horrifying. It honestly reinforces my hatred for still being a child.

I hate it. How I feel so grown up and yet I can't even go out and visit somebody due to still being viewed as a mere, young teenager. When will it change? At what point am I adult enough? When will that responsibility finally arrive, and will it feel right when it does? It's all so confusing, it's depressing how much control I truly lack when this is supposed to feel like freedom. It hurts how our want for one another is being decided by people above us, when we're meant to have that control now. It's like our parents never stop viewing us as immature.

As I'm writing this, I'm realising how little I really do care for my grades. Whenever I'm with that person it feels as if everything in the world is ok. Like a barrier almost. Sure, I'll grow in a place of higher learning. In a field I specialise in without loud kids or strict rules. But does that really matter? Not when that person wont be there with me making me laugh anymore. This feeling of such utter lack of control being caused by my ultimate freedom from High School is so ironic.

For the longest of times I've begged for this journey to go along faster. To have it be over with at lighting pace, but now I regret it. I've always been the type to say "I won't miss school! It's been awful to me!" And perhaps that's true in a sense, school was awful. But I sort of found my angel in the midst of Hell. And without her, Heaven now seems like Hell.