Masters program-- self disclosure in reflection papers
I'm in a master's program and struggling with this. I did not have a "normal" life. A lot of boilerplate "reflection" questions for papers feel like a trap to me. For context, my ACE is 8/10. I've also lost family every decade of my life, early/unnatural means. I have been invisible, caregiving for those remaining, while my body was falling apart due to a genetic disorder I didn't have addressed/tested/Dx/treated until a few yrs ago. I was getting a 4.0 from hospital beds at one point, graduated summa cum laude in clinical psych.
To be clear, I have been to therapy myself; you'd never know most of this about me/my past if you engaged with me. I avoid "victim" and "survivor" identities, as they center self on circumstance over continuous iterative authorship. I have healthy relationships that are deeply fulfilling. I have done a lot of work to make sure my past did not interfere with my growth as a person throughout my adult life.
The most distressing part of any of my past at this point in my life, honestly, is having anyone view me through that lens. Pity or uncertainty. A side-eye. I don't want or care to trauma dump in reflection essays, but I also know failure to disclose anything (staying too superficial or generic) will look like I'm refusing to engage with the work, or that I lack insight. For all I know it could be used as evidence later that I'm somehow unfit. I mean-- that's a thing, right?
Anything that relates to how your identity or worldview was shaped by your childhood. Your family. Community. Religion. Orientation. SES. All of it feels radioactive on paper.
Most of my family died on me. I am an atheist. I never had a community. I'm a low SES cis hetero white woman. And my "identity" is not built around any of these boxes at all. It never has been. If anything, that has helped me to avoid imposing rigid frameworks onto other people, regardless of whatever demographic checkboxes they seem to fill. But I don't know how to explain that "safely." Not enough to fill the page requirement.
I just feel paralyzed. And I know I will keep encountering this. It fills me with overwhelming self doubt about whether I belong here at all.
I guess I'm wondering if anyone relates, or has advice.