6 months of absolute terror, cycle finally completed
I can't speak for everyone. I'm not even invested in this community. Pretty much the extent of my knowledge on the nervous system is the synthesis of a small pool of self help utube videos, a chance encounter with the practise of TRE on my online feed, and my own intuition. The point being that if you're anything like me you don't need others to tell you what to think or determine how you have to go about healing.
7 months ago, at the start of the year I posted this in the CPTSD subreddit in which I detail my experience with nervous system healing. it has been the most uncomfortable journey in my life. My health felt like it was in shambles since late last year (I've had chronic issues for much longer than this) and I had a persistent sense that a sudden, painful demise was very near. For the past few days in particular I was imagining some terminal health diagnosis. And it was only at 4AM this morning that I finally feel liberated from non stop terror and suffering.
For the first time this year, overnight mind you, I feel better than I've ever been. I had some terrifying release immediately followed by complete shock and ecstasy. I can only describe it as my nervous system becoming coherent with my mind. After hours of gasping for air and rolling around on the floor I took the deepest most wonderful diaphragmatic breath I've ever taken in my life and sat there staring into the darkness in utter disbelief. The contrast was too difficult to even comprehend what just happened. I felt free, open, and healthy. Like I was living in a body I didn't recognize. I couldn't believe that I took a breath that deeply. I took another breath to double check and felt as though I could inhale to my hearts content and it felt AMAZING. My mind was clear for the first time in years.
Some part of me knew all along that I wasn't dying despite the many physical symptoms. I'm still young and the hope that my entire life hasn't been for nothing is the one thing that kept me sane through all of this.
I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess just to validate myself after months if not years of feeling doomed.