New Neighbor is Way Too Friendly
My partner and I recently signed on an apartment, and although we're still moving in, we have a neighbor who has us both a bit on edge, and we're not completely sure how to approach the situation.
Earlier this week, this neighbor (I'll call him John) spotted us moving furniture and helped us move a table. He's the neighbor directly next to us, our doors are about eight inches away from each other. He was very friendly and we really appreciated the help, but he was also odd, and although he came across as just a friendly special needs guy, he also came across as...a lot. Friendly in the "we're besties now and we're going to have long goodbye hugs about it" sort of way, which is fine. Not wildly handicapped, but big into oversharing and iffy on social cues. He insisted on showing us around our own apartment as if we weren't half moved in (he was already inside from helping with the table), but fine. Like clearly we'll need to set some boundaries, but again, awkward but harmless.
Fast forward to today, the first day I've been able to work on the apartment since meeting John. I'm trying to put together some furniture and I overhear John out in the hallway sounding very upset, apologizing for scaring the wife of my other new neighbor who'd moved in just that day. I didn't catch exactly what had happened, but apparently the on-site super had called John and reamed him out over the phone about it- it had something to do with a door. The other neighbor (Sean) said it was fine and his wife "hadn't taken it that way," and John cheered up and went into his apartment. Two minutes later, he's back outside knocking on my door. I didn't answer because I really didn't have time for another marathon conversation with John, and my partner and I had already agreed to try to keep our distance as much as possible because it'll be easier to maintain boundaries with him if we're strictly neighbors from the jump rather than friends (which is what he clearly wants). So I ignore the knocking, with the logic that hey, I have in earbuds, I'm home alone, and for all he knows I'm in the bathroom. Probably good to establish "just because I'm home doesn't mean I'm answering the door" anyway. At which point John starts trying to open the door, for about five full minutes (I'd locked it when I came in).
So I'm not really sure what to do at this point. I still suspect John is harmless, but scaring our other neighbor's wife and trying to get into my apartment uninvited just because someone was home both have me kind of on edge about him. My partner and I are both relatively petite women, and John made a point of bragging about breaking weightlifting records in the special olympics; he's a big, strong dude. I don't want to treat John like some scary guy when I suspect his issue he's extroverted and has a really poor grasp of boundaries, but if he's been living in that apartment for 8 years like he said, it seems like "don't invite yourself into the living space of a neighbor you've met once just because their light is on" would be one of those things he would have picked up by habit if nothing else. I can try to talk to him and I likely will, but how do you tell a guy who's not good with social cues that you need him to stay out of your space and that you want to be friendly but not friends, without it coming across horribly? And should I talk to the super about it? And where do I draw the like between "he's probably just awkward" and "it would have been actually terrifying if I'd not answered because I was in the shower and then came out to find John in my apartment because he let himself in the door"?