u/afprincess

It's been a long time since I realized this isn't the career for me, and I'm planning to go back to school next year for the career I want. In the meantime, the plan was to stay in my current role, save money, keep high quality work, and just keep on keeping on...but I don't think I physically can anymore.

I've been dealing with chronic pain, fatigue, brain fog, and other strange symptoms since November. I'm working with a medical team to try to figure out what's going on, but it's a slow process. I'm out of medical and annual leave, thanks to the number of appointments and the days it's taken me out. Stress makes it worse, which obviously doesn't help, but I'm feeling myself get weaker and weaker as time goes on. My job description includes event planning and execution, and I'm almost always on my own for those. Even setting up and cleaning up is exhausting and painful. It hurts to type, it hurts to drive my commute, I struggle to find the right words in conversations. I'm producing the same quality and quantity of work as previous years, but at the expense of myself.

I'm not allowed to work remote, my boss gets annoyed when I call out, and I'm running myself into the ground. This can't be helping. But I have no other skills that I can find a job that supports my family in my area. I feel stuck and trapped and idk what to do.

Stating up front that I don't have any diagnosis. I've been working with my PCP to figure out why I have chronic pain, fatigue, facial numbness, migraines, and other symptoms. I've had an MRI, neck xray, lab tests, dental exams, eye exams, therapist sessions, and everything is coming back normal. I have a pending rheumatology referral, and finally saw a neurologist yesterday after getting a referral months ago. I'm thinking it's fibro based on my understanding of it and how my symptoms and test results are lining up.

Neurology was a waste of my time and energy. We spent over an hour together, and while I appreciated that he explained that my exam was fine and there seems to be issues with "misfiring nerves" rather than actual neurological problems, I was really put off when he got to the last part of the exam when we discussed treatment. He actually told me to take less migraine medicine, stay on the same antidepressant I'm on.

He then told me that it might be fibromyalgia...but he doesn't think so. Then he told me that it's not in his specialty so he can't say for certain. When I mentioned I have a referral out to a rheumatologist, he was SO dismissive. He basically told me that a rheumatologist would deny my referral, and that I shouldn't fight for an appointment because it wouldn't matter anyways. He also mentioned that I just need to reduce life stress, sleep better, eat better, and drink more water. Thanks, dude.

I just cried in my car afterwards. I'm determined to get answers and will fight for a referral. But how discouraging. I'm so tired of feeling this beat down by my own body, I don't need medical professionals to add to that.

Some disclaimers up front: I'm not diagnosed with anything, but the way things are going I'm thinking fibro makes the most sense. I am seeing a PCP. And my journey so far has been a lot shorter than what some people experience, I know -- I'm not trying to win the suffering Olympics.

I'm so over this. I'm so over trying to get answers and coming up with nothing. I'm tired of it taking a week to hear back from my doctor and tired of denied referrals. I'm tired of using up all my leave at work and not qualifying for FMLA or VA benefits or anything during this process. I'm tired of feeling like people think I'm making it up, and I'm tired of questioning myself whether or not I'm making things up.

This started around Thanksgiving. Since then, I've had the following symptoms, starting occasionally and now almost constant.

-facial numbness
-pressure behind teeth
-increased auras, with and without migraines
-constant ache in my wrists, elbows, ankles, toes, fingers, and shins
-pins and needles through neck, shoulder blade, and forearm
-vertigo and dizziness
-fatigue
-floaters in eyes
-increased depressive episodes
-brain zaps
-burning sensation in my hands
-tremors and twitching, sometimes visible and sometimes internal

I've had my vitamin levels checked, neck xray, brain mri, dental exam, eye exam, diabetes check. All negative. My ANA came back positive but only for DFS70, so expected to be a false positive. I've had two neuro referrals be denied, and it's taken over a month and we're still waiting on a third try at a clinic 2 hours away. Requested a rheumatology referral but low hopes there, and the nearest one is 2 hours away. Although I was exposed to toxins during military service (confirmed), my service locations don't fall under the PACT act and I don't otherwise qualify for VA. I see a therapist every 1-2 weeks for anxiety and depression, and have expressed fear that it's psychosomatic -- she does not suspect that that's the case.

I'm tired. I hurt. I feel defeated. I don't want to fight anymore. I have to force myself to go to work. Idk at what point it's my depression vs my pain anymore. I'm just so tired.