I'm so sad, because I don't want to ever learn the language on here again I think...
Hi -
Just a sort of venting post. I'm honestly in pain because this has been a recurring theme on this site for me. My tutors will act like we are friends, sometimes talking to me off app nearly every single day, and then the second I get attached, suddenly there's some weird new professional boundary. I'm not saying things are always inappropriate (although my last one was), but I am saying they make me feel special, even calling me a friend, giving me HOURS of extra time, but then the moment I act like we are friends, they pull back and act cold.
I have very bad depression, and a toxic environment at home. Learning the language has been my biggest medicine. I don't trust a lot of people, so this really hurts. They'll go from "you're my favorite student to talk to and I care about you" to "I can only offer lessons on the app now." Like, okay? Then why did YOU start the DMs? Why did YOU say you're my friend? Why did YOU say I was your favorite to talk to?
I don't want to open up to another tutor. I don't even want to learn the language anymore. It's been completely tainted, and that hurts more than anything, because learning the language and loving the culture has been my biggest reason to push through depression.
Is this a common thing on the app? Is this because I'm a (so called) attractive woman and my tutors have been males? I feel completely beside myself. I'm literally not doing anything wrong but acting like they mattered in my life. Not even prying personal questions. Just acting like they matter. Now once again, I have to find another tutor or just quit because another one tried shove me back in the just a student on Preply box out of nowhere. Just when I think I found one I can trust and learn from while feeling safe, suddenly I'm not anymore.
I'm totally fine with an only Preply relationship, that's how it should be most of the time I guess. But when someone starts it, then talks to me every day off app for months, talks about us meeting in the future, then without warning claims it's not "healthy or sustainable" it's like...okay, then why did you start and continue it then? Ego? I don't understand. I know people will come on here and make fun of me probably, but I'm not sure where else to go.