I think I have severe ptsd from getting my pilonidal cyst lanced twice.
Tldr at the end. Long post.
For context, I already have diagnosed PTSD from traumatic things happening to me from very early on in life.
I’ve had my pilonidal cyst for a few years now, not too sure exactly when it began. It became infected for the first time some time in 2024. I was on a 5 hour long train ride back home with an infected cyst sitting on my tail bone and I had no choice but to deal with the pain. By the time I got in my friend’s car, I could barely move. I made an appointment at Urgent Care the next day to have it lanced.
Generally, I have a high pain tolerance. But when the doctor put the first shot of lidocaine in I felt the worst pain I had felt in a long time. At the time I didn’t realize that because of how infected and enlarged the cyst was, the lidocaine likely wouldn’t take effect as it couldn’t reach the blood stream as easily. So by the time she started cutting, it felt like I was being sawed into. I couldn’t help but scream. I never scream. It was embarrassing, I was in pain.
And all the doctor could think to do was comment on how stinky it was. She stopped squeezing just to show me what was coming out of me. She didn’t ask, she just did it. I actually like pimple popping videos and extraction videos and such, but at that moment? That was the last thing I wanted to see. It was so painful that I ended up calling it quits before she could fully drain it. That wasn’t the right choice, but at the time I genuinely couldn’t take any more of the pain.
I was in pain for two days straight and lived by myself at the time, so I had to heal with no help, but I did it. I wanted to get the surgery to have it removed completely, but sadly, I lost my insurance shortly after this event.
I just had the procedure done again (coincidentally right after I just got insurance again through work), but this time I had my best friend who I live with, with me. I avoided going to Urgent Care for as long as I could. Doing warm soaks 2-3 times a day, warm compresses as often as I could, taking ibuprofen every 6 hours, staying on my feet as much as possible, everything. But it was too late by the time I started all the “preventative” measures. But once I had to call out of work bc I simply could not do any of my basic tasks, I knew I couldn’t avoid it anymore. My best friend told me straight up I had to go and I knew at that point I was in really bad shape.
The lead up to me going to Urgent Care was filled with nothing but anxiety and panic. I cried over and over just thinking about the first experience and knowing that was to come again. No amount of comfort could stop me from feeling faint and wanting to dissociate.
Even though this go round was just as painful, I will say it wasn’t nearly as traumatic, or at least I originally thought so until just a few moments ago. The doctor was so amazing and so patient. He understood my trauma, he reassured me as much as he could. He gave me an out if I really needed one. He communicated the entire time. My best friend held my hand and let me squeeze the life out of his whenever I needed to. They let me cry and groan, they let me feel scared. I felt so supported in that room and it was the only thing that got me through. My bestie also didn’t hesitate to say yes to helping me with changing my bandage (gauze and tape), and he has, every single day multiple times a day. We even went shopping afterwards and bought candles and a cushion for our home we really wanted since I moved in with him this month.
And yet, I can’t think about my open wound without feeling sick. I’m shaking typing this because 30 minutes ago, I decided to changed my bandage myself since he was at work and I really wanted to do a warm compress. It’s been 3 days since I got it lanced, and it feels like my reaction to the wound is getting worse. I instantly feel nauseous and lightheaded the moment I start to peel the tape off. It’s like I’m anticipating the pain. I found myself holding my breath the entire time I took the last piece of tape off. When I shower and the water hits my wound, I jump. Not because it even hurts, but because I expect it to hurt. I can’t think about it, let alone look at it, without feeling scared and panicked. Every time I feel the slightest bit of pain I worry that it’s not healing well. But when I looked it up, all signs point to it healing just fine.
I was already planning on doing therapy again, but I think I need to find one sooner than I planned because I don’t know how I’m supposed to function like this, being terrified of something on my own body.
Does anyone have any experience with this? Or rather, any experience finding a therapist specifically for trauma associated with a medical procedure?
Tldr; First time getting my cyst lanced was extremely painful and traumatic. After getting it lanced the second time, I can’t even think about the wound without panicking and shaking. Looking into getting therapy as a result.