one must imagine the salmon happy
and they also said i dont deserve to live or be happy btw
i'm really happy for you that you are having so much fun doing your master's in bioengineering with your new perfect multicultural friend group in matching y2k fits at this overpriced bar. and i'm also so happy that you are in a place that looks like a little disney fairytale village and feeding bread to all the newborn ducks or whatever (i like ducks more than you btw) and drinking pumpkin cider at the autumn market (also like pumpkins more than you)
but you don't have to post about it. who knows whose seething jealous evil eye might fall on you..
- series of voice notes from best friend detailing how she's started hanging out with her bpd ex friend/lesbian situationship again
- x dot com slash annakhachiyan
- my mom's facebook albums
- my old journal from 2024
- my own dreams that i memorised and replayed in my head to gain insights on my subconscious
- yaoi fic from 2016
- chinese farming videos
- class project presentation (the day of the presentation)
- my man who is not my man's instagram profile picture
- career success subliminal audios
maybe i'm feeling more irritated than usual bc of the luteal phase psyop but i am kind of increasingly feeling like despite the sub being restricted the quality of posts has gone down substantially and the people here have become a lot more catty. we do not get nearly as many art posts as we used to, nor really anything substantial. posts and comments that to me seem like obvious jokes and hyperbole are downvoted. i guess in the early days this place was a lot lighter and more understanding, maybe because it was like 5 posts a day by people who all knew each other.
i have to admit i am also not as strict with modding as i used to be. a lot has changed in my life since i started this place and i have to admit the criticism got to me more than i would like. so i have tried to be a little more relaxed with the rules, allowing gender slop and culture wars and low effort tweet posts and the like, because it's not like i particularly want to over-curate this place into lacking any sort of authenticity. but i increasingly feel the urge to just shut the place down permanently.
to be honest the first time the sub shut down i actually did want it to be permanent, i only reopened it out of spite when kallo tried to bribe me into keeping it closed. i really did think restricting it would help because i thought the slop and spite was coming from front pagers, but now i think maybe the whole rs space has just degraded beyond repair. i am contemplating reducing it maybe? to like a 100 or so approved users.
it is probably very silly of me to think so much about a subreddit but i feel like everything i liked about this place has been lost as it grew. i have said this many times but this place was always meant to be very small, and its growth surprised me.
i also think people went easier on me back then, maybe because they knew me and knew my intentions, and now there are people who i've never even spoken to who have said some really honestly horrible things about me (i guess they assume i won't engage? and then they backtrack when i say something to them) and speculated about my life and my beliefs. i don't know. it is all very silly and none of it matters but i can't pretend it doesn't feel strange to know all these faceless strangers have opinions about me. i do believe in the evil eye and i do not want to attract negative attention from this teeming mass of people, especially now when my life is in a state of transition.
at the moment downsizing seems most attractive to me. getting another mod to take some of the load off is also an option but i will admit i'm not keen on the idea. in my experience people tend to become weirdly power hungry even over something as stupid as a subreddit and i feel like me and fre3k can reasonably keep it in check for now. what are your thoughts?
i said people who like to travel are sinister and got downboated. now i see substack articles about the takes i had a year ago. i wish i was undignified enough to post my midwit thoughts on twitter discourse behind a paywall or perhaps on monetised youtube video. i am comvinced raye stole the lyrics to her annoying husband song from one of my posts too. i should have sued her like that one twitter girl did to lizzo for that 100 percent bad bitch line. alas!
i was having one of my usual crying fits this time last year and this litter of kittens crawled up to cuddle in my lap. i would play with them often and i loved them all very much. one left when they got older but the others stayed nearby and we fed them and my dad even got them a little cushioned tent thing to keep them warm and cozy in the winter. unfortunately the 3 remaining as well as their mother caught parvo and we didn't realise - they were fine one day, if a bit tired, and gone the next. i miss them all very much. the little calico i remember would try to groom me.
i cried for days and days after and felt so guilty. the virus just spread so fast, we had no time to catch it. the last to die was the calico, and she was the only one we found alive. i had come home after work and found her lying still in her little tent. we got to the vet in 15 mins but it was too late. her sister and brother were growing more solitary so we thought they were off somewhere else before we realised what their absence meant. my poor little kitties. they must have been in so much pain. my only comfort is knowing it must have been relatively brief. i hope their one brother who left is doing well wherever he is. he was the biggest and strongest of them.
she told me to come back on monday to unpack the vagaries of my psyche further. i rly do have a fascinating inner world 🤗
🧿 i don't know if this means my targeted telepathic signaling is working or not 🧿
🧿 i will be removing this in a while as added protection against the evil eye 🧿
it should be 22, what aesthetically impaired regard made this decision??
it couldn't be science or career counselling or something normal?? those teenagers are about to laugh me out of the room!!!!
on the rare occasions that i see a halfway reasonable relationship post on reddit's front page, the comments are filled with sneeds throwing around concern about the poster's children. because kids are delicate little flowers. they can't ever know that mummy and daddy had a fight. it's like they think the billions of people on this planet who live functional and perfectly serviceable lives all had parents who were happy 100 percent of the time, went to couple's ""therapy"" for every minor disagreement, and of course individual therapy too to make sure no generational baggage got passed down.
kids are actually a lot more resilient than you'd think!! their parents could be having a nuclear war in the living room and they wouldn't really gaf as long as they had their bread (highly processed fruit snacks) and circuses (slime tiktokers). of course this doesn't apply to circumstances that are physically violent or extremely mentally abusive. but mostly docile coparenting with minor tiffs won't even register on their radar.
for example my parents fought nearly every day and i still turned out to be a competent adult with only minor manic-depressive tendencies (and i'm pretty sure those were genetically preordained). any lasting issues, if any, in my self esteem and approach to relationships are actually because they would yell at me. but if they'd only yelled at each other i'm sure i would have turned out even more alright than i already am.
like feel free to do as you like and be neurotic over every breath you take but i don't wanna live like that. and even if i did want to live like that, the last thing i need is to be lectured about it by someone i consider a peer.
sometimes you let the smaller annoyances go because you don't want to rock the boat or have an uncomfortable conversation, next thing you know a 21 year old type A histrionic who has somehow imbibed the spirit and posture of your late mean grandmother (rip) is lecturing you about how being in your room is causing your depression. it's the other way around you dumb whore!
anyway i've started that bullet journaling thing that the studytubers rave abt and it is helping but i feel like a massive idiot tugging out my stupid little notebook to write tasks down in. unfortunately i forget that google calendar exists! and so i must continue as i am..
i imagine that they are so overcome with guilt seeing the physical effect their harsh demeanour and exacting standards have had on me, as they crouch to cradle my prone body in their arms. if they are hot they also remark on how i am light as a feather and how my lax features remind them of a troubled angel in repose.
unfortunately i remain stubbornly sturdy and have not yet fainted even once, not even in the heat or in times of great physical pain and psychological stress. sometimes when i feel lightheaded or tired i deliberately push myself harder just so i can faint but no dice. oh how i wish i could swoon into the arms of my beloved!!
im like a thwarted joan didion .. and i dont even have a beautiful man. life is a series of tragedies. i have now started believing in god. i hope after all this i will retire my parents in comfort and that i will make enough money to visit all the museums i have ever wanted to see....
imagine ur car needs to get its lubricant changed. you don't particularly care for car lubricant. however you see something that makes you ask the mechanic to use a particular lubricant brand in your car. what would that something be...
i don't know how marketing works on males like do i recommend getting a twitch streamer to do an endorsement..
i have many but i'll try to narrow it down to a top three
- common sparrow: in the city where i lived there were unfortunately not many sparrows at all bc they had been outcompeted by the crows and pigeons. but whenever i visited my grandparents i would always be woken up every morning by them chirping. we had lots of them there because right opposite their house was a rice warehouse and they would all show up to eat every morning when the trucks came and rice fell out of the bags. so sparrows are a very rare and precious sight to me and i am always very excited to see them
- parrot/parakeet: i have a great affection for these birds and have always wanted to keep one because they live for very long and i think i would like a long lived animal friend. i once saw a parrot in a cage at a pet shop and just stood there frozen for a few minutes watching it as it climbed all around its cage. it made eye contact with me for a few seconds and its eyes were so intelligent and i felt so sorry for it. but as it turned out the parrot was not for sale and it and the owner were best friends and he got it out of the cage and it happily climbed all over him. which made me happy.
-peregrine falcon: when i was younger i loved peregrine falcons best because they were so fast and looked so cool. according to wikipedia they are found all over the world nearly but i have never seen one irl which makes me very sad. they are very interesting birds.
special mentions to crows whom i have always wanted to make friends with and also to bambiraptor, the coolest and cutest almost-bird ever!!!
we currently have a pretty substantial backlog of approval requests. if you have sent us a mod mail requesting approval and have not been approved please send us another message because yours might be lost in the horde.
also we want to be a small and relatively focused board, and so we only approve users with prior history in other rs subs. if yours is a newer account with no history please indicate that you are familiar with anna and dasha's existences in your mod mail. happy summer ☀️
it just wont die!!!