u/bearmonroex

i keep seeing this man on my feed and every single time there’s a new florida problem everybody in the comments is like “THANK DESANTIS” 😭😭
WHO IS THIS MAN AND WHY IS EVERYTHING HIS FAULT
rent went up? desantis.
school did something weird? desantis.
insurance expensive? desantis.
somebody probably hit a pothole on I4 and whispered “fucking desantis” while changing the tire 💀
i live here and apparently don’t know shit because i genuinely could not tell u what this man does besides stand behind podiums looking like somebody just told him his doordash driver stole a french fry.
pls explain without using government vocabulary because the second somebody says “legislative” my brain starts playing the wii menu music
i’m not even trying to argue politics i literally just wanna understand the plot 😭
what did this man ACTUALLY do and why does half of florida wanna fight him while the other half would apparently let him babysit their firstborn

I swear every traumatic event in my childhood started with me doing the most innocent shit imaginable.
this time I literally just wanted to play my game.
my wii remote died and I knew we had batteries somewhere so I started going through drawers looking for them.
normal kid activities.
opened one drawer.
no batteries.
opened another.
random papers.
opened another.
and found a bunch of shit that definitely did NOT belong next to the scotch tape and expired coupons 😭
I didn’t even understand what I was looking at.
I remember staring at it like
damn these are some weird ass batteries.
so naturally I took it to my mom 💀
GIRL.
the way that woman SNATCHED it from my hand.
immediately I knew I had discovered forbidden household DLC.
she starts asking where I got it.
I’m like
“the drawer???”
because where tf else would I have gotten it 😭
then my dad hears us.
comes over.
now THEY start arguing.
I’m still standing there holding my dead wii remote btw.
important detail.
because while their entire secret life is apparently unraveling in front of me my only concern is
sooooo nobody found the AA batteries orrrr
😭😭😭
then the argument gets worse.
they start accusing each other of leaving stuff where I could find it.
then somehow THAT turns into who used what.
who bought what.
who took somebody else’s shit.
and I’m slowly realizing whatever I found is apparently extremely important to these people.
more important than batteries apparently.
eventually they start getting physical.
and because little me had absolutely zero survival instincts I tried getting between them.
AGAIN.
I used to do this constantly.
two grown people throwing hands and here comes fucking Stuart Little trying to separate them.
“STOPPP 😭”
girl GO PLAY OUTSIDE.
but I couldn’t.
I hated watching them hurt each other.
so I’m pushing my dad backward.
trying to grab my mom.
crying.
everybody’s screaming.
then somebody shoves me.
I fall.
I get back up because apparently I had a fucking respawn button.
get between them AGAIN.
and eventually I get hit.
then suddenly both of them are yelling at ME.
which will forever be one of the funniest fucked up things about my childhood.
these two could be approximately 4 seconds away from killing each other but the SECOND I interfered???
teamwork.
unity.
marriage restored.
✨ our daughter is the problem ✨
😭😭😭
I got yelled at for “being in grown folks business.”
MY BAD.
next time y’all start WWE in the kitchen I’ll respect your privacy.
then I got my ass beat for going through drawers I “wasn’t supposed to be in.”
which confused me because nobody had ever told me there were classified fucking drawers in our house.
I WAS LOOKING FOR DURACELL.
anyway the best part?
after everybody finally calmed down I went back to my room.
sat there for a little bit.
looked at my wii.
looked at the dead remote.
and started crying again because
I STILL DIDN’T HAVE BATTERIES 😭😭😭
that was genuinely the final straw for me.
not the drugs.
not getting knocked down.
not my parents fighting.
Mario was unavailable.
THAT broke me.
sometimes people hear one little piece of my childhood and go “omg that sounds horrible 🥺”
and I never know how to explain I that babe…
we are on SEASON ONE.
the writers haven’t even introduced the main villains yet 😭

I swear every traumatic event in my childhood started with me doing the most innocent shit imaginable.
this time I literally just wanted to play my game.
my wii remote died and I knew we had batteries somewhere so I started going through drawers looking for them.
normal kid activities.
opened one drawer.
no batteries.
opened another.
random papers.
opened another.
and found a bunch of shit that definitely did NOT belong next to the scotch tape and expired coupons 😭
I didn’t even understand what I was looking at.
I remember staring at it like
damn these are some weird ass batteries.
so naturally I took it to my mom 💀
GIRL.
the way that woman SNATCHED it from my hand.
immediately I knew I had discovered forbidden household DLC.
she starts asking where I got it.
I’m like
“the drawer???”
because where tf else would I have gotten it 😭
then my dad hears us.
comes over.
now THEY start arguing.
I’m still standing there holding my dead wii remote btw.
important detail.
because while their entire secret life is apparently unraveling in front of me my only concern is
sooooo nobody found the AA batteries orrrr
😭😭😭
then the argument gets worse.
they start accusing each other of leaving stuff where I could find it.
then somehow THAT turns into who used what.
who bought what.
who took somebody else’s shit.
and I’m slowly realizing whatever I found is apparently extremely important to these people.
more important than batteries apparently.
eventually they start getting physical.
and because little me had absolutely zero survival instincts I tried getting between them.
AGAIN.
I used to do this constantly.
two grown people throwing hands and here comes fucking Stuart Little trying to separate them.
“STOPPP 😭”
girl GO PLAY OUTSIDE.
but I couldn’t.
I hated watching them hurt each other.
so I’m pushing my dad backward.
trying to grab my mom.
crying.
everybody’s screaming.
then somebody shoves me.
I fall.
I get back up because apparently I had a fucking respawn button.
get between them AGAIN.
and eventually I get hit.
then suddenly both of them are yelling at ME.
which will forever be one of the funniest fucked up things about my childhood.
these two could be approximately 4 seconds away from killing each other but the SECOND I interfered???
teamwork.
unity.
marriage restored.
✨ our daughter is the problem ✨
😭😭😭
I got yelled at for “being in grown folks business.”
MY BAD.
next time y’all start WWE in the kitchen I’ll respect your privacy.
then I got my ass beat for going through drawers I “wasn’t supposed to be in.”
which confused me because nobody had ever told me there were classified fucking drawers in our house.
I WAS LOOKING FOR DURACELL.
anyway the best part?
after everybody finally calmed down I went back to my room.
sat there for a little bit.
looked at my wii.
looked at the dead remote.
and started crying again because
I STILL DIDN’T HAVE BATTERIES 😭😭😭
that was genuinely the final straw for me.
not the drugs.
not getting knocked down.
not my parents fighting.
Mario was unavailable.
THAT broke me.
sometimes people hear one little piece of my childhood and go “omg that sounds horrible 🥺”
and I never know how to explain I that babe…
we are on SEASON ONE.
the writers haven’t even introduced the main villains yet 😭