Climbing on and off for year, can't get past pressure and nervous system overwhelm
typo in title, for years**
Hey girls,
I started climbing several years ago with my ex. I really enjoyed it at first, and we moved from top rope to sport leading in the gym without issue. Then we moved somewhere with easy access to real rock, and he got more into trad while I mostly followed.
Over the next 1-2 years, I started to really dread it. The climbs were usually well within my physical ability, but my nervous system would just flood and I’d stop having fun. Eventually I only wanted to belay. I think at the core of it was that my ex would get really disappointed and shut down, which made the whole thing feel way heavier on me than it ever should have, and I'd feel like I have to push through to keep the relationship happy. Anyway I don’t want this to turn into ex-bashing, that’s in the past and we all have our issues.
Fast forward to now (years have passed since we broke up and I stopped climbing) I want to get back into it. I’m active and strong, I remember a lot of technique and I’m not trying anything I can’t actually do. I’m also just following for now. My current partner is super chill and genuinely not bothered if I don’t want to do something, but my nervous system still floods so fast. I didn’t even think I was showing it, but for example today he could tell and suggested we stop for the day.
I’m frustrated with myself because it feels like everyone else can stay relaxed and have fun days outside, and I hit my mental/emotional limit so much faster, even on easy stuff. It’s not just fear of falling either, the whole thing just seems to wear me out.
I really want climbing to feel fun again, and it hasn’t in years. Has anyone dealt with this? Any advice for rebuilding trust with climbing and making it feel less loaded?
Thanks in advance :)