My mother is not a good person and I’m finally starting to accept that.
This is from back in 2021. For context: I was 20m (now 26m) and in school full time, commuting 2 hours each way and still made time for a job doing overnights at ye ol’ McDonald’s—I cannot say it was at my mother’s insistence, but rather the ultimatum she gave 17 year old me of ‘you either go to college or get out’. She has raised me solo, and our relationship has always been rather strained in some places and nonexistent in others, that has been the case since I was as young as 7 (I would give examples but as I’m new to the sub I’d rather take my chance at giving light to that as an edit or in the replies to make sure I’m not violating anything. Some of that shit is intense, and frankly some of it I can’t touch mentally without falling apart).
Things have not been better with her in recent months, as we’ve been butting heads over my choice back then to leave school in favor of my mental health, and the resulting ‘what about your future’ conversations have been a daily argument starter. I have been using the time out of school to build my funds to hopefully go no contact with her in a few years time, I realized that no matter how I’ve explained my struggles to her and how the aggression between us has shaped my life—she does not care.
She claims she has been nothing but supportive of me, and that I am ‘a liar and will always be a liar’ in her eyes in the same breath, even after showing her the same message above as physical proof that is not the case. I keep that screenshot as a motivator and reminder that I’m not leaving behind someone in my corner, but someone who has actively and knowingly been cruel to me, and keeps pinning all of the faults in our relationship solely on me without any accountability for her own actions.
At the time, when she sent that? I didn’t even reply. I didn’t have any real will to if I’m being honest. “Why are you here?” and the first thing on my mind was ‘I don’t know, I’m sorry.’
Never again man. Never again.