u/bullshitspecial

I began to think.
But not like people do in dictatorships;
I began to think about you.
Punishment still follows after.

How suffocating was the sun yesterday!
And today, how dark and sad it was.
This week being so abrupt hit me hard,
But does that remind you of anything?
Between this weather and you,
I no longer know which of the two
Is making me blow my nose.

The logical conclusion is
That you lowered my defenses,
And the weather simply took its toll.
But wasn’t my delirium the same
As it is now?
When the sun burnt our naked skin,
And then the moon bore witness
To all that followed?

Today I noticed
That all three of you are missing.
Something gloomy covers you all.
Maybe that’s why I’m so ill.
Tonight I won’t go to sleep.
The whole night I’ll ask myself:
Will the clouds be gone
Before I recover?

I don’t know why I still want you.
How I wish I could tear you out
Just as you tear at my heart.
When I look at you,
Do you look back at me out of malice?
Or is it out of simple ignorance?

Damn you,
You, who do not understand
Everything I would do for you,
While you look away,
And then smile at me.
You make me ecstatic
To the point of thinking a whole life with you.
What sweet torture you put upon me.

Dear God,
What have I done to deserve this?
And to whom else can I confide this
If not to this paper,
Which can handle more than I do?

Night after night, you torment me.
The caresses you once gave me,
The passion you once gifted me
Now distant
Leave me stranded in the past,
And I, who have faced down so many dangers,
Am now too terrified
Of asking you to hold me close,
And squeeze me one more time.