u/butter-cream-cat

Hello - I need advice on navigating a difficult conversation with a good friend.

I have a climbing partner who I've been climbing with for a few years. They are amazing at climbing - 10 years experience. They are more experienced than me. I enjoy climbing with them because they are incredibly skilled, very consistent, and patience. I consider this person a close friend as well and I enjoy spending time with them outside of climbing.

However, they tend to skimp on safety and do not see up-to-date with modern safety standards. It seems they mostly learned from friends and I mostly learned from guides - so there a noticeable gap in our safety standards.

For example, they do not know how to belay off an anchor for multi-pitch. They belay the follower only ever from their harness (edit: with no redirect) and believe setting up an anchor is a waste of time. They do not use an extended repel or a third hand. They never wear a helmet and do not believe rock fall poses a risk. When I'm at lower clips, they tend to have too much slack out - to the point decking is a real risk. When I fall, they seem to instinctively take in slack resulting in hard catches. Finally, I notice they sometimes keep their thump on release of the Grigri.

I understand some of these things only pose a small risk and are best practices, but not always necessary. However, I feel like the accumulation of these habits may result in an injury or worse.

It's to the point where I do not climb hard with them (indoors or out) and stop doing multi-pitch with them.

This person is a good friend and I'm trying to be mindful of my criticisms. I have tried to address these habits indirectly - mainly talking about new techniques I've learned or demo-ing an anchor setup. And sometimes directly - Asking them to keep me tight for the first three clip - which worked for a bit but they stopped.

But - I'm starting to get to the point where I may need to have a conversation that's bluntly "I don't feel safe climbing with you"

Any advice on how to navigate this conversation? I'm afraid of losing a friend because it may come off as unfounded criticism.

edit - leaving this as a resource for those who are wondering about indirect, redirect, and direct belays. history of changing standards https://www.alpineinstitute.com/indirect-redirect-and-direct-belays/

edit - no longer answering questions about direct vs indirect vs redirect belays. Please use Google to figure out the pros and cons and please don’t belay your follower from your harness jfc