u/caiysta

hi! i need help, i am not sure if this is a common problem i haven’t really done this until this year. every time i do anything on any piece of equipment i tend to raise my shoulders and it looks tense. like for example when i am doing many drop spins on flag my shoulders overtime tend to raise and i don’t feel it or realize it. i am not sure if i’m anxious or stressed about something that is making me do that but everyone tells me to relax when they see me but i get confused because i tell them i’m fine. every time i get set i lower my shoulders but people are telling me i still look tense and they naturally raise. i am not sure if i explained this the best, but is this a common problem in guard? and how can i fix this?

i’m a second year on my team and today during practice, my instructor called me slow (from context it seemed like he meant it in an i’m stupid way) in front of my whole team because i couldn’t pick up the choreo as fast as my teammates. i have never felt more humiliated on my team. my teammates seemed concerned. my eyes started tearing but i tried to show that it didn’t bother me but as soon as i got home my chest started feeling heavy. it was especially hard because when i first joined our instructor emphasized that this is a safe place where you won’t get judged but over the past year after the clinic phase he starts to wipe that act away. i know he wants us to be good, but it’s degrading to hear say different negative things about and to my teammates and i. he always talks about how he expects us not to drop and if we do we would “ruin the whole show.” i hate the way he teaches, i’m not going to lie we have been getting better as a guard but it may be for the fear that if we don’t do good or if we drop he will get mad at us which is a lot of pressure. i love color guard and i want to keep going but it’s really hard.