u/captain_mcturtle

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about my cancer coming back after 18 years.

Today I'm back at my parents (they have a garden) after my first 3-night chemo cycle.

Honestly, for this post, I'm going to stay positive, because that's how I'm feeling. There's been multiple good news!

First: anti-nausea & vomiting treatment got SO MUCH BETTER in 18 years. I was so afraid of feeling the same as 8 y.o.me, vomiting all the time, feeling nauseous... But honestly, during the whole chemo cycle, I've felt bad, but everytime I felt nauseous, I'd call the nurses and the doctors would give me another type of anti-nausea medecine. Not perfect, of course (my stomach hurt, I was so HOT during the night because my body was sweating to evacuate the chemo) —but so much better than what I remember. I puked only once, and it was at the end of the car drive back home! It's making me even more grateful to live in a country with free healthcare. My thoughts go to you guys who cannot afford to pay for such "comfort" meds. Anyway I'll stop there because I'll start ranting otherwise.

Second: it's not metastatic! We had a scare because my spleen and my lymph nodes glowed during a PET scan, but it was just reacting to a vaccine I had done a few days earlier to prep for chemo! So that's reassuring.

Anyway, life has been pretty unlucky lately, but I'll take the small victories!

I also haven't started my aplasia period, so idk how it will be. I'm a bit anxious about running a fever during aplasia, because I'd need to the emergency services and I live in a medical desert.

Anyway. What are some of your small victories? 😄

I got my first diagnosis at 5. Synovial sarcoma in the left groin. Just got surgery then.

Then it came back when I was 9. Got the full treatment: surgery, chemo, curietherapy & radiotherapy.

In the middle of May, while showering, I felt the same thing I had felt 18 years ago. A mass in the left groin. It was devastating. Still is, tbh, taking anti-anxiety meds to deal with it. I had always have the feeling that I'd have another cancer one day, but I hoped it was my pessimism.

Anyway. Yesterday I had a meeting with my oncologist, after doing my PET scan on Monday (and a shit ton of other tests).

It says the scan "highlighted" (English isn't my first language, Idk if that's the right word for it, but I'm guessing it's understandable) small lymph nodes in my groin (both sides) and armpit, as well as my spleen, a lot.

He said it could be my body fighting an independent infection/inflammation. I had just gotten new vaccines to prepare for chemo. A few weeks before I had met my niece who developped chickenpox afterwards.

Waiting for a biopsy.

The doctor tried to be reassuring. From what I understand, lots of doctors follow my case (one of the best hospital in the world for cancer!! yeah!!), and they are pretty divided. I'm really really hoping it's just the result of those vaccines. I don't know what will happen if my cancer spread out.

I can't have any more radiotherapy & curietherapy because my body is maxed out after my previous cancer. Starting chemo on monday or friday tuesday.

Anyway, it's a bit of a rant (or a pity party, but we all need one sometimes), but also seeking a bit a reassurance. I've been reading too many sad ending cancer stories, and I guess I'd love to read about your survival story. Especially if you've had a similar experience.

I guess I'm terrified of dying at 28. Realising how little I've done in life.

Hey guys,

An update on a post I made a few weeks ago.

So I just learnt it today. My synovialsarcoma is back, almost 20 years later. 27 yo, and already at my 3rd cancer.

It is truly heartbreaking.

Thankfully, the medical team is making sure I can be treated as soon as possible : chemo should start in two weeks, then surgery to take it off (unsure if there will be more treatment, depends on the different test results and scans). For now, it's three cycles of three nights of chemo, and then surgery. Doesn't feel like too much (compared to the 5/6 months of treatment when I was 8), but also I won't have a great summer, lol.

Anyway, they're also going to set me up with someone specialised in preserving fertility, because chemo could affect that.

My doctor did tell me there were better meds to deal with nausea and vomitting, which was one of the worst part of chemo, so hopefully it won't be too bothersome.

I am also incredibly well surrounded, from my colleagues to my friends and family, I am not alone and that's a relief. It was however deeply heartbreaking as well to hear my mother -the one who was with me during almost of my treatments when I was a child- cry and knowing that she has to go through that again.

All that is left to know now is how far along the cancer is. My oncologist told me that the size of the mass (smallish) didn't mean it didn't propagate anywhere else, so that's another concern to worry about, but I'll try not to worry too much and be optimistic. I'm choosing not to see this as a death sentence ; I've survived it twice, I'll survice it thrice.

What bothers me now is :

- not wanting my friends to see me sick, because I don't want this image of me to stuck around, along with their look of pity. but it also means giving up on their support, which is hard.

- if it can come back 18/20 years later, then I will not be stopped believing that it will come back again, may it be in 5, 10, 20 or 40 years? And how often can someone have cancer before giving up? I have a feeling the rest of my life will just be me being anxious about having cancer again (I had a feeling it would happen, but I was also hoping it was me being pessimistic)

Hi everybody!

Lately I've been wanting to discover shows made by small creators.

It is easier to stumble across ADs produced by big (even indie) producers, with bigger budgets to put into marketing, or simply because we know the writers/actors/directors and love their work. Which is great!

But also, I'm curious about newcomers! So, here I am, asking for recommendations that follow some, but not necessarily all, of those criterias :

- low or no budget

- one person project/cast

- first project / new to the community

Preferably, not an audio drama published years ago (like, WtNV was at some point a low budget AD, but it is way beyond that point now), I'd love to know what's new!

So yeah, feel free to promote your baby, or to recommend some you've listened to!

EDIT ; I may not be replying to everybody, but I'm definitely reading! Thanks to everybody who suggesting shows, I am adding them to my to-listen list (which keeps on getting longer and longer........)!!!

Got first diagnosed with synovialsarcoma in my left groin when I was 5. Presented as a swelling. It's a rare cancer, even rarer on a girl this young. Just had surgeries then.

Then it came back when I was 8. Got the surgery, the chemo, the radiotherapy, the curietherapy. We were lucky to catch it early : my parents were friends with my pediatrician (who was great), her husband was the surgeon who took out my cancer when I was 5, and she was the one who organised everything so I could get admitted into one of the best (maybe the best) institute against cancer in my country.

Luckily, we have sort-of free healthcare.

After 10/15 years of follow-up appointments, my doctors told me I was finally off the hook, and that if I ever got a cancer, it wouldn't be the same.

A few weeks ago, during the shower, my hand grazes my scar. And there it is. A swelling. Right underneath my scar.

Got an appointment with my doctor, who honestly was SO SWEET. Said it could be a lymph node. Prescribed anti-anxiety medication because GOD I'M CRYING, an MRI, and a blood test. The MRI doctor says it's appearing to be lymph node, which means there could be an STD. Which honestly, I'd prefer. But the blood test comes back all OK, so my doctor tells me she's sending the results of the MRI & the blood test to the team that was following me at the Institute when I was a kid.

Called me back today. It was the actual doctor (pediatrician) that was following my "case" when I was a kid. Told me he'd book an appointment for a biopsy of the swelling, and an appointment with the oncologist that follows young adult patients.

Good thing is, my mother was visiting me the same day and she arrived a few minutes later, so I wasn't alone today.

My puncture/biopsy is on Thursday. My dad is driving up to be with me which I am so thankful for. And the appointment with the oncologist is in two weeks, and one of my parents are also with me.

I feel so lucky and thankful to have them with me, but I'm also so so stressed at the idea that it might be it. THANKS FOR THE ANTI ANXIETY MEDS, I'd be a mess otherwise.

It sucks, because I've always had a feeling that I'd have another cancer. This one or another. Of course, it COULD be something else.

But THEN WHAT WOULD IT FREAKING BE?????

Anyway. It sucks. Really really hoping that's not it. Because then, it means it could come back in another 20 years. Or 10. Or 5.

And when does it stops, really ?