Dwindling confidence
(Please pardon the long post.) Inspired by my teenager, I got certified last fall so I'm finishing up my second season. I played soccer as a kid, took a long break from it, then rediscovered it in the early 2000s, playing pickup most Sunday mornings. I'm in my mid-50s, and while I'm still fit, I recognize my playing days are coming to an end (my knees get dodgier by the day). When my kid was younger and I was his coach, I loved when the ref didn't show and I could volunteer. It's the best view of the action! Transitioning to refereeing seemed like the next logical step.
As I imagine most of us are, I was initially very nervous starting as an AR last fall. After 13 games, I worked up the courage to center some middle school rec games. This spring I've almost exclusively worked in the center. When I thought I was ready, I did some travel games. In some ways I found it easier -- less chaotic, more predictable. I found that U13 travel girls were the sweet spot: skillful on the ball, not crunching into tackles, and not manipulative.
Up to that point I was working for one assignor who appears to be chronically short of refs and just looking for a warm body to fill the role. So I decided to reach out to an assignor who supports ECNL. The first game I did was U14B. I naively thought how good could these 8th graders be? Holy moly they were good. The intensity of the game was exponentially higher than anything I had experienced previously. I issued 3 yellow cards. I later learned it was a playoff-implications match. I thought I was out of my depth, but one coach said they've definitely had worse refs, and a couple of players told me I did fine.
I told myself I was ECNL-worthy, but I should stick with girls for the time being. I centered a U13G ECNL game and did well, and my confidence was probably at its peak. But last weekend I was unexpectedly assigned another U14B ECNL game, and I pooped the bed. The first thing that rattled me was a GOAL that I missed. I saw the shot, and then I saw the ball hit the fence behind the goal. I signaled for a goal kick. Everyone was confused. There was a hole in the side netting the ball had passed through!
A few minutes later, the team that had been scored on was on the attack. The striker goes down in the penalty box and clamors for a PK. There was a scrum of people and I didn't see a clear foul, but I did see a high boot from a defender near the striker that went down. So that's what I whistled, but then I stupidly signaled for a PK which was converted. At halftime, the coach of the defending team showed me the Laws of the Game, and I had to admit my error. Then my brain started to completely mess with me. I couldn't remember if I had recorded the PK in my scoresheet. I had to ask my AR what the score was. I must have looked like a complete idiot. The game ultimately ended 3-1 so the PK wasn't determinative, but I still felt like crap. A day later, the crappiness is still fueling this long ass Reddit post.
I'm not sure what I'm asking. I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest. Back to U13G for a while, I guess.