It feels silly to celebrate.
Really feeling some kinda way. I'm(M34) 2 years seizure free on Tuesday and it just feels silly to even acknowledge it much less celebrate. I had 10-20 focal unaware seizures daily for 5 years and I know it was bad, I don't remember a lot of it but looking at photos of myself and reading my journals it was clear it was bad. So I understand how fortunate I am to have made it 2years free but it just feels dumb. Partly because everyone around me has been so normalized to me not having them that I'm the only one who even thinks about it anymore. I don't necessarily need constant tending to in regards to it but sometimes I need to remind people it happened(funny since I don't remember half the past decade) idk. The fallout from the seizures has been immensely difficult to process, the doctors, the fear, the unknown, long term prospects. Its all a lot, but I supoose I hide the weight of it all well so people think I'm the old me, but I'm not, many parts of who I was are gone. . . . .Part of me wants to just treat myself to all my favorite things and activities for my anniversary but I just feel like its self indulgent? I feel like I shouldn't? I also just can't shake that feeling that the other shoe is about to drop and I'll start seizing again.
I don't know how to feel about it.