u/charliespeach

Tilted

Sideview peeking

Fabric cascade

Eye locked, heaving

Fingertip imprint

Hands interweaving

Basket full of down

(bad)

Soft plucked gown

Flesh tender lipped

Gasps breaking sound

Perhaps you've known hardship

And it hasn't changed you

In that circumstance

I must say we're not alike

Hinderance can cast a blind eye

But hardship implies

Being stitched to difficulty

Enduring carrying the corpse

Up every incline

Out of the valley

And into the streets

A visible reminder

Of what's been gifted to me

No return policy

Only forever unwrapping

A never-ending box upon box

Of brutality

Did it make you grateful-

The whip marks turned faint

Because I rip mine open

A feral fascination

With dismantling the cancer

That grows inside of wounds

Wounds that imply covering

Is the same as moving on

I have many scars

But none from healing

If I could evicerate myself

To remove the body

I'd do it until

I divided into perpetuity

But that doesn't work

You have to radiate the flesh

Killing the healthy

Along with the diseased

To renew oneself again

Thick candle wick

Gasolina does the rest

Prophesy and flame

Danse morte

Pointe forte

Monkey paw wish

Answered

Danger, disaster

Excited- go ask her

Prey to the gods

Before the winds blow through

Scattering former insights

Creating anew

Hip curved

Handprint dent

Finger creased

Becoming your grimoire

With primordial ease

Hi! I was in the process of a double tubal when we found severe endometriosis on my right side- my ovary is behind my uterus and completely obscured along with my ureter. My gyn stopped the surgery after removing the left tube because she felt a specialist was necessary. I had surgery in April. I see the specialist in August.

I feel a tugging sensation when urinating or defecating. It's painful at times. It's hard to explain but it's like my muscles feel pulled inward and down. I know it could be due to my surgery but it's a new sensation and I am curious if it's the endometriosis? I didn't know anything about the disease until April and I'm not sure what it typically feels like because I just assumed my periods and pains were normal.

I'd appreciate the insight or the experience if anyone has been here. Thank you!

Edit: The sensation is directly over my uterus.

Skin raw

Razor word whipped

Verbal black eye

I tripped

Over my feet

Hands held in front

I never knew how to stand

Until you looked at me

I tore my dresses

Shaved my head

Reborn anew

Anarchist heart

Locked in an iron box

Beating mechnical

Tinking pulse

Yours

Always

I wait with lighthouse gaze

Hoping you see me

Through the mists

Your ship wandering

But not aimless

I feel coiled

But it is not unpleasant

I feel so much

I feel you

I hear your comforting

Gentle admonishment

When the shadows degrade me

You tell me to stand

There is no dignity

Without justice

And no justice

Without a voice

To quote a wise man

Who was murdered

By similiar monsters

Who take and crush

Until history becomes

Ashes within the hands

Of children without hope

But now

Within me

There is a song

Music box written

By your talented tongue

I love you

I will stand Sentinel

And guard

Until we meet again

And cross every line

Grasping, reaching

Towards the solar opal

Powder blue velvet cascades

Like water from a crystalline cup

Feathered in the iridescent

Starling robes

Larking through mud

Discovery through exploration

New growth pushing through

Pinned underbelly

I place my forehead

Against the earth

Thankful for you

Thankful for me

As I shift against the air

I move towards tree canopies

And find betwixt the pine groves

A half built home

Lip gnawed smile

Bitten inner cheek

Hyperbolic denial

I laugh like

An ancient piano

Cords stretched

Ivory chipped

A melody of reprisal

Tongue pressed against

The inner workings

Of my hips

Orcestral yearnings

Humming bliss

Maestro with

The burning kiss

Spun round and round

Until neither

Up nor down

Prodigal protege

I've been called worse

Of which I won't say

Sing a song of metamorphosis

Ovid approved and pleased

And I'll come

Up with the proper way

To get upon my knees.

Fingers gliding

Full tension taunt

Begging for serotonin

The kind of orgasm

That lives at the door

Of despair

A yearning for hedonistic

Distraction

Compaction

Until I am twisting

Within.

Sewing needle sharp

Silver spilling from a scalp

Slowly woven from brain to vision

Aging leaves upon winter stems

There is a purity in the pristine

Dry ice white sun glare blinding

I remember cold January days

In conflict with bright heavenly reshade

In the foothills of the mountains

And a tree that I called

Paul Bunyon

That my brother tried to climb

But Paul refused the invasion

Steps shattering

Thick heavy fall

It was so long ago

The shadow of miles high treelines

Still brings me comfort

And the knowledge

That invasion meets descent

In a dance of irony

It is

My only proof

That any god exists

And that our fates are choice driven-

Want and need based.

She stands

Impatiently shaking the watch

Encircling a too large wrist

The bone fat and thick

More Grecian pillar

Minus the artistry

A loud whistle interrupts the

Bitter melon taste of annoyance

She finds a seat

Next to an abandoned man

Head hanging, ram rod spined

Stark eyes cored with misery

Dissonant industrial heartbeats

Reverberate within the empty tram

He looks over at her

Eyebrow cocked and loaded

And asks her if she's met god

She bites her lip

One time, maybe two

He laughs like Job

Without the ferver

Taking her blue fingers

And pressing them

To bloodless lips.

Marshmellow skin

Dented by scars

Silver moon crescents

In a constellation of loose freckling

You ascended the billowing aurora

Bleeding from my lips

And bore the absence of colors

Hidden behind the descent

Of slow finger Mars scalding

Red sand sifting between us

Hourglass turning like a bottle spun

Until it lands on a dare

Tell me the truth-

Did you know I was only a visitor here?

Within the ethereal chiffon dreams

Of balmy wind giving flight to

The butterflies inside of my being

I see within the haze of distortion

Glistening dew drops lightly scattering

Like goosebumps upon the umbrella

Of bowed palm trees

Filled with fruit and languidly tempting

Heart and mind converging

It starts with

One step across scorching sands

Then we are

Ember walking towards home

You stand like the Colossus

Still

But now

Less statue and more man

Coiled and watching

For the snakes in my path

Barefoot, bare soul

Would you believe me

If I told you that I dreamed

Of you when I was twelve

Laying next to a creek

On a blistering August day

Blue Moon longing-

Someday

Someday.

There comes an age

When one stops and time

Scutters and skits across pavement

Like dead leaves following you home

And you look back to that which is over

And it's too vivid- a technocolor scar

And you try to look ahead

To what hasn't started or began

And it's an ocular migraine

Water puddles rippling across the brain

And you realize the only time that exists

Is the moment you're in

And you see your legs

Tree trunk rooted in today

Asking yourself if this is all there is

After forty years of fight and pain

Middle age reveals a morose truth

This is all there is

And your eyes are proof

Light them projector style

Splay the intimate details on a billboard

In neon dying cities

In countrysides with dammed rivers

Filled with the bodies of people

No one can remember

You will be a body in a river someday

And it's absurd how much that hurts you

Because it's an unavoidable truth

And while the will bends reality

Through synoptic recoding

The truth flinches only under the weight

Of inaccessible information

I wish magic existed because

I'd like to meet a pogwilly

Or a hamperbanch

Or some such creature

Whimsical but dangerous

Something like me

And you

And us.

I'm so very sorry-

I was slow and so were you

Both hindered by physical

Blockades riddled with gravel

Cane in hand I stumbled

To face head on

A blood drenched dinosaur

Limping, dragging

I pulled you nearer and

Your gold rimmed eyes

Stared into mine

Like a long lost friend

Before you died.