u/chocoberry334

Hi guys, I saw a post that really resonated with me (Ways to force myself to attend units? Women in STEM specific : r/Monash) and unfortunately my essay was over the limit hahah. Can @ reddit pls fix this

Screenshot 1: Reddit not allowing me to post a response ffs [1]

​I'm a STEM girlie (in cs, math, physics and stats, so very, very male dominated courses like you)!

>I say at the start of every semester, THIS is the semester I will rock up to every class... then at the 2nd or 3rd class I decide attendance is not for me.

This sentiment is something everybody has regardless of gender. However, I will say that most of the research on educational psychology has been conducted on and by white men, so there probably is some bias in education in the sense that the world is made for white men (I realised this quite young, and got very, very, very depressed). However, I think we need to acknowledge the work and effort that brilliant people in all various fields have completed, so we now consider a less biased sample space when conducting research. Anyway sorry for the nerdy yap haha.

>It's mostly a combination of the fact that the TAs often appear untrained or not friendly

Okay, I've been at a few universities in Australia, and have had all kinds of TAs. You said they often *appear* untrained or not friendly. This indicates to me that you yourself aren't putting proactive work to critically engage with the content. And, that's OK! Learning how to learn is the ultimate outcome of university.

>sometimes I can't understand the lecturer's accent

This has happened to me before, and it is a lot of work to self-learn through whichever medium you like the best. However, some things are out of our control, so you either cop it and complete the unit and get a HD, or you don't try and get a mark lower than you were expecting.

>I work quite slowly (distracted by class noises etc) and often need to finish outside of class, or the in person resources are easily accessed online and I don't really see the point in showing up.

As a neurodivergent person, this sounds like it could be ADHD. Everyone has a little bit of neurodivergence in them, but if the symptoms are excessive then it could be ADHD. Or perhaps some other confounding variable impacting your ability to concentrate.

Never in my life have I met a combination of straight up rude and/or creepy people in FIT units. I always attend the first few classes and they usually make us participate in some sort of group activity. On multiple occasions I have had people hitting on me, staring or frequently glancing over at me, talking over me in group discussions and being intentionally rude for no reason. I just met these people! I attend uni to learn! On one particular occasion, I was participating in a group activity when the guy scribing intentionally ignored my points, and when another guy repeated the *exact same thing* he'd write it down. It seems like something easily brushed off, but this is not a rare occurrence.

Ok, this paragraph is a big one to respond to. So, I'm going to split it up line by line for clarity:

>Never in my life have I met a combination of straight up rude and/or creepy people in FIT units.

Unfortunately, welcome to STEM, and FIT. As a high-performing woman in any industry, there are bound to be incidents like this to happen. And STEM is especially bad for women representation (and all the other unfortunate consequences due to historical patriarchal society) in developed Western countries. However, Australia is trying to make a change. And Victoria has consistently been one of the most progressive state and territories to live in (only really behind Canberra). Out of them, Monash has had one of the most progressive open-minded stances I've seen in any University I've had the unfortunate pleasure of having to liaise with.

Fun fact iirc: Monash has the largest female IT portion in the southern hemisphere at 29% as of Sem 2, 2025 Bcs Orientation (I can't remember if it also had the largest number of women, cuz percentage neq to number kids!)

TLDR: Monash FIT not perfect but very gord compared to all other countries rn

I always attend the first few classes and they usually make us participate in some sort of group activity. On multiple occasions I have had people hitting on me, staring or frequently glancing over at me, talking over me in group discussions and being intentionally rude for no reason. I just met these people! I attend uni to learn!

Yeah, you summarised my own personal experiences and observations very well. Yeah, the type of people (mostly men in the context of STEM) who do this are usually lacking social awareness due to a variety of reasons. However, I have had to learn the hard way that I am not responsible for their behaviour and actions because we are *adults* and here to learn. I found myself in a loop of self-blame, because my childhood friends stated that if they did not know me, they would think I am "down bad" for them, when I am just being polite and nice. And multiple men have misunderstood my politeness or niceness as romantic interest. The ones who tend to make those types of conclusions also tend to be the men who rage, target and harass me when I do not return their affections. I have spent a huge portion of my life catering to these men out of fear and playing n-dimensional-D chess. What I mean by this is: pretending to like them romantically when I actually dislike them, then acting in a way that they would not find appropriate for a romantic partner. This means that they "leave" happy, wishing me all the best, and I can rest assured that my predictions will probably not happen. Unfortunately, this subconscious coping method of dealing with this type of sexism has had a huge and very horrible impact on my life. And I hope that my post here can provide some sort of "wake up call" to any woman who relates to this all too well.

WE NO LONGER NEED TO COP THIS BEHAVIOUR!!!

ESPECIALLY IN AUSTRALIA, AT MONASH!

MONASH HAS A STRICT NO TOLERANCE POLICY!!

On one particular occasion, I was participating in a group activity when the guy scribing intentionally ignored my points, and when another guy repeated the *exact same thing* he'd write it down. It seems like something easily brushed off, but this is not a rare occurrence.

Yeah, unfortunately this Neanderthalic behaviour is a type of sexism (covert maybe I can't remember the right word off the top of my head). I have experienced this myself many, many times, so I've just decided to play into this haha. I dress however I like (which is in feminine clothing), and I let judgemental people place me into a box. I act like an airhead and pretend I don't know what you mean, and then when it comes time, I pull the rug under you hahaha. It's quite satisfying being the underdog!

In addition, the people who are in my opinion, worthwhile to interact with are those who are able to make unbiased judgements based on what they have observed rather than circumstantial evidence. It kind of becomes a "are you worthy of my attention" test?

Now, my official response to this would be:

1. Talk to the person directly. I know this can be hard, but sometimes people fail to realise their own mistakes. Sometimes, our overthinking is wrong, and the only way we can find out is by talking to people.

Post-edit & Aside: Oh, I just realised I have a tendency to email lecturers instead of emailing my TAs first, whoops. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm using "Aside" in a different context, but hey, English is a living language, and the meaning of a word is just what society considers it to mean.

Screenshot 2: A friend expressing his opinions after I first posted this [2]

2. If 1. fails, and you do not see any active efforts to change, then email the CE and express your concerns. You do not need to name names, but just say, hey this happened to me in this class. Any competent and caring CE would respect your request for anonymity and perhaps make an announcement or post if they think this is an important issue to be addressed.

3. This is pretty nasty protocol and procedure. I'm not going to go into the details, but you only go beyond the first supervisor (e.g. your TA or CE) if you are unhappy with how things were dealt.

In a male dominated unit, I expected some general misogyny, but it seems like it just gets worse the further into my degree I get. (3rd year)

I think this is cuz of IT faculty. I tend to find the more educated a person is, the more likely they are to be able to remove their own personal biases and empathise with people better. Which is why the people that have changed the world or made a meaningful contribution tend to be the people who didn't "fit in". My point is: for cs third year most of the people in there are there to just finish their degree (cuz of sunken cost fallacy) and thus are not the type to actually have critical thinking skills to even comprehend their own faults (Dunning-Kruger effect haha).

Are there any suggestions from people who have also experienced this? How do you put up with it?

Anyway, rant done, I would just like to say I have personally suffered events such like this at the hands of a TA. And this TA may be teaching my core second year unit. I am under the impression he also socially isolated me from an entire community (related to my degree) out of anger I did not reciprocate his feelings (I applied the same strategy but met my bf so I was able to tell the truth and say I have a bf haha). Context aside, I did not. I spiraled into drinking as a way to cope with the insomnia, with the inevitable doom that something may happen because of his actions, and I cannot control it.

If you're reading this (cuz ik you know this is my account, and ik you monitor Monash reddit), fuck you. We are the same age, yet you act like a fucking toddler. You are one of the most narcissistic, self-deprecating, pick-me guys I have ever met. And, I have met a lot online, and now I understand how they are able to "appear" normal; it's because men like you mask their true intentions and only reveal it when they feel like they can take advantage of you without any consequences. But I'm sorry buddy, you picked the wrong target, because I will fight back if you take advantage of my tolerance.

Anyway, personal anecdote aside, I am still suffering from the consequences of his actions. You reap you sow.

If I have to just pull through it - any suggestions on elective units that don't require in class participation/quizzes/marked labs to pass? Don't really care what field, as long as I don't need to rock up (or pre-reqs)

I don't have any particular courses in mind with these requirements, but I do have a list of people who I think actually care about women (this is in no particular order btw and defs not a comprehensive list):

Post-edit aside: I just realised I could've created a table to categorise this better, but I can't be fucked haha.

For Mathematics:

- Tim Garoni

- Todd Oliynyk

- Julie Clutterbuck

- Victor Villalba Rojas

For Physics (ngl I think the physics department is one of the best departments for this stuff, but I haven't interacted properly with a lot of them and honestly don't remember their names):

- Scott Findley

- Lincon Turner

- Sam from PHS2061 labs

For IT:

- Pierre Le Bodic

For Arts:

- Andrew Junor

Course specific:

FIT1045

- Andrew Cain

FIT1058

- Rebecca Robinson

- Alejandro Stuckey De La Banda (guys I had to open up my Monash email to make sure I didn't butcher his last name lmfao)

- Graham Farr

- Thomas Hendrey

And ngl, there's probs a lot of staff I can't even name off the top of my head. There's also a lot of students (but I would need their permission before I doxx them publicly like this)

Anyway, my point is you are the heroine of your own story. As with media, we can watch the heroine go down her journey but usually (apart from games etc.) we can tell that her actions, words, and perspective do change how she interacts with the world. So, your actions can and do change the world you interact with. Mask, but do not do it at the expense of your own health!

Post-edit:
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whoops I got distracted here and forgot what my post edit was gonna be
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Screenshot 3: Me implementing my own advice (so I don't come off as a hypocrite hahah) [3]

​Anyway, signed:

The spiraling female science/cs student hahaha

Anyway, if you would like to come hang out or meet me, a few of my friends, we are organising a student-run poker event in Week 12 Friday at 6pm (29/05). I hope we can make a good event with the little time and resources we have left. Of course, it is not a guarantee this event will happen, and there is no pressure whatsoever to reveal who you are.

https://discord.gg/KqKkgJ82

Screenshot 4: My own reflection on my own behaviour and how my actions and behaviour affect people [4]

References:

[1] Ways to force myself to attend units? Women in STEM specific : r/Monash

[2] AA #real-general-proper-:sweat_smile: at 4:51am on 16/05

[3] AA #real-general-proper-:sweat_smile: at 5:20am on 16/05

[4] AA #real-general-proper-:sweat_smile: at 5:29am on 16/05