Teaching with Depression
I am a 3rd year middle school band director and I assist with high school band. As the year comes to a close, I am thinking about how this year went for me and I am overall very happy. While its had it's challenges, it has also been my most successful year so far. All my groups have decent enrollment, and muscially play very well (although always room for improvement.) I have genuinly enjoyed working with the students and my collegaues.
As I get more years under my belt, I am realizing how my depression really impacts my job and my "teaching personality" and was wondering if anyone else would be willing to discuss this. I have tried looking things up but it seems like there's not a ton out there about depression and teaching specficially, especially teaching music / band.
Things I've noticed:
- I get irratible very quickly and it has taken me a long time to learn how to subvert this in real time, and it still happens occansionaly
- I am absent minded and can be scatterbrained
- Burn out happens around March for me, which is super early imo
- Mistakes I make I will ruminate on, which sends me into a spiral of self doubt and imposter syndrome. I am really feeling that today
- Everything seems to drain me. I get out of work and I have expended all my energy for the day, and don't feel rested the next day
- The students pick up on these characteristics and I feel super guilty about not being able to "act" my way around it. The teacher I envision myself as is simply not the person I am
- I often "get through" the day and I can dissociate at times, which is not good for the ensemble
I know this is super vunerable but I kinda need to know if it's just me, and if there is anyone who is willing to share any advice or strategies to help. I spent a long time in my first two years of teaching not realizing how deeply it was affecting me, and it caused a lot of suffering on my end.