Nightmare Semester from hell
Hey all. I have a complex issue going on that i desperately need any advice for
My dad got prostate cancer diagnosis back in march. Everyone (him included) didnt really think much of it as hes 73 (as prostate cancer is common in older adult males) and prostate cancer diagnosis isn’t exactly a death sentence. Obviously i was still sad, but it didnt even really HIT me until a few months in I was really living in denial of anything being wrong.
Flash forward to just a few days ago; my father gets a biopsy and bad news about is being serious, aggressive and not really the kind of prostate cancer you want to have. Now I don’t know whats going to happen. If it’ll be quick, long, stretched out, painful, or anything like that. I know my dad’s looking for surgical treatment… Then possibly radiation treatment. and I also know I’m really fucking depressed as my dad is my entire world. I want to spend time with him as possible. As much time as possible. I’m only 20 so it feels so cruel. Nursing school takes away from that time I have with him. My dad wants me to go through with it and finish it, as he paid for my education completely! I feel so guilty he had to pay 6k for this summer semester recently but now I’m wanting to quit and give up to be there with him. Because i have an ACCELERATED Summer semester i cant be with him as much as id like to. Im basically busy every day of the week. But anyways.
Heres the fucked up part (if that wasnt fucked up enough) I’m currently a nursing student; and the hospital im doing my clinicals at is the one my dad’s being taken care of. At the same time!! Yeah. Thats where the title of this post comes from. Oh yeah and on top of that i also got, like, the really mean uptight quizzical put-you-on-the-spot-to-ask-you-questions-about-pharm-cards clinical instructor that everyone warns you about. And I’m not good under pressure enough as is and hate confrontation and am considerably emotionally weak recently and will probably cry if i get yelled at. Normally I’m not… but who wouldn’t be in my spot?
I am genuinely not strong enough for this. I want to be with my dad. I really cannot do this I really cant do this Somebody please help. Anyways if theres any advice please tell me. Im sick to my stomach everyday. Its such a cruel joke to be learning and then doing fucking skill validations for catheters and shit when my dads getting them in and learning about screenings and cancers and just shit like that. Its like idk a black mirror episode i guess
BTW I did tell my professors about it, I tried to swap locations as well in case of HIPAA but i only learnt of how bad it is yesterday and orientation was today so i already attended the orientation for the hospital and missed the other ones orientation so I’m locked into this one. My professors assured me none of the students would be taking care of my father and they assured me it wouldn’t be a HIPAA violation for me to be working there as I’d be on a different floor.
So my main question from here is what do I do? I feel powerless and hopeless in this situation. If somebody else had a similar experience I just want to know what to do what you’d do differently just lay it on me if you have anything that can apply or help or anything. I also cant help but feel sorry for myself as well as if I have it the worst in the world right now which I know is untrue but thats just how i feel.
Sorry about the long and depressing post. Thanks for reading if you did.