u/damien_ohboy

i think many trans people can agree with me on this, but im alway very picky with the people i let into my life ive had enough ibteractions with cis gays that i still struggle to recover from. most of my friendgroup is other trans people because they were the only people to respect and accept me, im not saying that all cis people are bad but the majority of the gay cis community is, no one talk about how transphobic some lesbians really are, ive been called straight multiple times, ive been lied to by ex partners who just wanted me for "the girl experience" and misgendered, deadnamed and insulted me multiple times. im tired of shunning my identity so cis people can feel comfortable, i hate how most lesbians want a masc but when they meet people like me suddently im too masc for them. i never tried dating men because i know theyll never see me as an equal, i feel like i need a long break between each relationship i get ibto just so i can process if its worth it to love someone again and to trust them enough to love me back. im tired of people who think sex is everything in the relationship and when i tell them about bottomgrowth they call it scary and that im disgusting as if im nothing but a body to enjoy, i hate when i get into a relationship and my partner takes all my attention out of love for them but i never get any of it back.

im honestly tired of everything i dont think ill ever be ready for another relationship, maybe a few more months to collect myself again, i want to leave this city and start over again.

ive been getting them a lot lately and its becoming harder to manage i feel like passing out once it hits me, idk if i can convince my parents to let me see a therapists theyre all about praying the illness away, it is affecting my mental and physical health a lot, i can only distract myself so much and once its time for me to go to sleep it all comes flooding in again and it keeps repeating for weeks.

i really want to meet new people and have some friends but i feel like im dying everytime i approach someone.

i can always stay in my own shell but im in uni now so it doesnt really help like it used to in highschool.

so, any tips how to convince mt parents? or even dealing with it myself?

note: ik the answer is clear to kost people and that i should "just convince them or talk to them" but reality is i always struggled with communication i cant put my feelings into words its all just "i feel good" and " i feel bad" so no they will not listen or try to understand me.

ive had enough interactions and i got embarassed enough but i really need a way to identify and know queer people irl, its so easy online but irl is so different, ive approached two people so far and it caused me some horrible anxiety attacks and i struggle to sleep and function for days or even weeks because of how much i hate myself after it.

how exactly do you know someone is queer? and how should you approach them in a safe way?

and also how do i deal with anxiety attacks without meds cause my family isbt willing to help with that even though its affecting my physical health they just tell me to pray.

will staying in my own shell keep me safe or is it worth risking for the chance of having a friend?