Told a patent co-sleeping was okay, now unsure I made the right choice
I am the room lead in an under 18mo room. I have worked exclusively within this room for the previous 2 years and have cared for L since about 6mo. She is 18mo now and will be next up to move to toddlers.
What I usually recommend to parents is cribside comforting and gentle sleep training if they ask explicitly, but as you can imagine many of the children I care for already have well established sleep patterns by the time they begin daycare. We slowly train them out of anything dangerous or inconvenient (eg, contact napping etc.)
L has always been a child who needs additional comfort and support. Dad is away for up to 9 weeks at a time and Mum works night shifts in the medical profession so her routine changes frequently. Mum, Dad, Nan and each of her babysitters seem to have a different routine when putting her to sleep.
Mum has always BF to sleep, which has now evolved into co-sleeping. She feels incredibly guilty about it and asks me for advice every day. For context, I am 25 and have no children of my own. I demonstrate the way we put L to sleep, provide resources on how to safely cosleep, and reassure Mum that parenting is hard, sleep training is hard, and that as long as she is happy to keep co-sleeping and is not overwhelmed or touched out by it AND she is doing it as safely as possible, I support her decision to continue co-sleeping.
Mum burst out in tears on Thursday evening during pickup as her husband's family always makes her feel super guilty for co-sleeping (they sleep trained all their children around 3mo). The husband takes their side and says Mum is doing damage by not letting her CIO.
She asked if she ever cries at all during nap at daycare. I explained that she doesn't, she walks into the sleep room willingly, lies on her stomach, and is rocked to sleep within 15 mins. A little longer than some of our other children but nothing to worry over.
Mum said she cries for hrs and hrs at home. Wednesday night she had to drive her to Nan's at 11pm to get her to put her to sleep.
I love, love, love Mum. I firmly believe she is a wonderful parent trying her best and simply struggles because she is 'Mum,' to L, not because she made any poor parenting choices.
My partner works in a role where she comes across many smothering cases where co-sleeping has gone poorly and is sure I made a mistake. Now I'm thinking I should have pushed for something other than co-sleeping, but I don't know if I can bring myself to be another person telling Mum 'You are doing this wrong.'