Feeling lost after 12 years in Freemasonry
I joined Freemasonry back in 2014, and honestly, I’m at a point where I don’t really know what to do anymore.
My journey has been a bit of a mess.
I started in 2014 in an irregular Grand Orient. In 2017 I left because I didn’t like the atmosphere, and around that time I also found out that it was considered irregular and that women were members.
Then in 2020 I joined another lodge that I thought was regular. Later I found out that it was also irregular, and that we had basically misunderstood the situation.
After that I tried another lodge, but I didn’t feel comfortable there either.
Then I applied to a regular lodge, thinking maybe this was finally the right place for me. But again, I eventually realized that I didn't feel like I belonged there.
More recently I joined another Grand Orient. I actually had some really good experiences there. I met good people, made memories, and for a while I felt like maybe I had finally found where I belonged.
Then some internal problems happened, people started resigning, and eventually I reached the point where I felt that this place wasn't for me anymore. So I resigned too.
And now I'm honestly just tired.
I've spent 12 years of my life in Freemasonry. That's almost a third of my life.
And that's the part that is really getting to me.
I've spent so much time looking for the right lodge, the right people, the right place, and trying to find something that feels like what I originally believed Freemasonry was supposed to be.
I've had some amazing experiences and met people I'll never forget. So I don't regret everything. But at the same time, I can't help feeling like I've lost a huge amount of time going from one place to another.
I still believe in a lot of the principles of Freemasonry. That's probably why this is bothering me so much.
If I didn't care anymore, I could just walk away and forget about it.
But I do care.
I'm not posting this to argue about regular vs irregular Masonry or to criticize any particular lodge.