Overstimulated AF.
Public school Sydney high school teacher.
I have nothing left.
I love being teacher and can’t imagine doing anything else.
But I’m just dead inside.
When I leave at 3pm, I feel so overstimulated. I feel like crying but I can’t. My mind hurts and I’m too numb.
The other day I pulled up in front of the shops after school to do some grocery shopping and saw one of my best friends outside. I didn’t go in. Instead I sat in my car until I saw her leave. The only reason for this was I literally had nothing left inside me to give. I wouldn’t have been able to manage a conversation. It made me sad thinking it’s come to this - I couldn’t even go and say hi to a good friend of mine because I was so tired and overwhelmed from work.
I can’t explain it. Whenever somebody needs help in my faculty, or is going through something tough, I feel nothing. I smile and say all the right things but inside I just want to curl up into a dark corner and not see or talk to anyone.
In the classroom, I’m fine. I teach and I talk with the students and you’d think nothing was wrong.
When I got home today my kids were wanting things from me and I just lost it.
All I want to do is curl up in a dark room.
I work FT and can’t afford to drop days. I can’t afford to go casual. I have no long service leave.
I don’t know what to do. I love my students. But my HT isn’t supportive and I have to keep the majority of my sick days for my children.
This job is killing me.