u/dreamtfate

i balance on the tightrope tension of leaving things as they are. of leaving a ghost of me in your cavernous bones so that you cannot dig me out. i’ll calcify in spaces you opened to me. and i’ll live there eternally so that you have a faint aroma of my presence following you. eternally. and then i wonder if i should humiliate myself further and call you. if i should drop to my knees and crawl to you. decrepit and archaic. craving only your touch. craving your eyes to collide with mine. look at how vile I writhe in wake for you! you’ve cursed me, and i’m halfway to kneeling already.

is this the way home?
backwards and
stumbling over verses I dreamt I gave to you
and I don’t remember the last time I felt so
alive
breathing into you
into your skin
I’ll take the long way home and drag
my lips along your neck
and bend my fingers around your spine
the curves of you melting into mine
I’m coming home in every kiss
you press to my eyelids
backwards and I bend because
I’m coming home  

I keep reaching in a silence that
stretches its long neck and i
see a paved path in the curvature of its spine and
i wonder how my shape obscures in your mind
with each inhale and exhale with
each second passing by

it lives in me
it lives in me still

the waters have calmed and i
see a reflection in their stillness
it is me and
it is not

I keep reaching in a silence that
stretches its long neck and i
see a paved path in the curvature of its spine and
i wonder how my shape obscures in your mind
with each inhale and exhale with
each second passing by

it lives in me
it lives in me still

the waters have calmed and i
see a reflection in their stillness
it is me and
it is not

hand me my
scalpel. don’t startle from my screams. if I’m screaming
I’m still breathing. anesthesia,
I’ll never ask for you. I need to
remember this distress roiling
through my molting skin
now, hold a light above me. it’s time
I begin the
extraction

I stumbled over cracked pavement
my knees sliced by sediments

I stumbled over your cemented words
and heard

a pulse flickering beneath
the gold infused tinkering you
whispered to me during
midnight meanderings

every lie doused in sweet florals
but I’m familiar with the undercurrent of
festering wounds untouched
deliberately

and I’m familiar with the shape of you
I traced inside me

and still I
ache

I stumbled over cracked pavement
my knees sliced by sediments

I stumbled over your cemented words
heard a pulse flickering beneath

gold infused tinkering you
whispered
during midnight meanderings

every lie doused in sweet florals

but
I’m familiar with the stench of
festering wounds untouched
deliberately

and
I’m familiar with the shape of you
I traced inside me

still I ache for
this devotional sting

blades sever binaries lodged in brambles but 
without foresight 
I carry a lighter in one pocket 
and a clenched fist in 
my other 
 
I’ve grown used to the tune of either/or 
but I desire no more of 
this or that
 
it’s missed
matched drives 
 
I seethe on train platforms
with a coal-lined stomach 
and smoking eyes
 
these trains desire 
devouring 
 
distorted human origami and
papier-mâché bodies 
crumbling beneath a dichotomy 
of here or there
 
but I chew
my tongue 
 
thirds sliced into 
fourths cut into 
fifths and by 
my sixth I’ve 
hindered my hunger       

blades sever binaries lodged in brambles but 
without foresight 
I carry a lighter in one pocket 
and a clenched fist in 
my other 
 
I’ve grown used to the tune of either/or 
but I desire no more of 
this or that
 
it’s missed
matched drives 
 
I seethe on train platforms
with a coal-lined stomach 
and smoking eyes
 
these trains desire 
devouring 
 
distorted human origami and
papier-mâché bodies 
crumbling beneath a dichotomy 
of here or there
 
but I chew
my tongue 
 
thirds sliced into 
fourths cut into 
fifths and by 
my sixth I’ve 
hindered my hunger       

a mango melted my
mercurial eye
I spied her
way up high in a
mango tree

she slid down branches
in a blur of pink
and wriggled herself
into my palm

so I
nibbled her flesh
bled her a song
with my tongue soaked
in her juice

and I
sought secret depths
to give me a clue as to
why mango abandoned
her branches

I swallowed
I chewed

until nothing remained
but a core I tossed
to the floor

two drives
winding down
two lanes
wrap themselves around throat
press until spittles spilling

my hands catch rain

I say, “sew me back together! you’re tearing me in two! ”
head to toe
spine to nose
halves into halves of halves

they proffer
read threads
sterile silver needles

“leave no scars from your spindle.”

they knew
always knew

I pricked my finger on her tongue