u/el_duderino_50

We're trying to resolve a massively escalated boundary dispute where the other party has engaged a lawyer; our house is in a family trust and the other trustees (law firm) have insisted they need to be involved.

What ensued was many phone calls from their lawyer to ours, each costing ours $500 basically. Costs have spiralled out of control and we're basically broke.

We sent the other party's lawyer the instruction to communicate directly with us, and we sent our lawyer the instruction not to take their calls.

Two days later, our lawyer sends us a message that their laywer again called ours, stating:

> "note that [their] lawyer is bound by a strict professional rule where the lawyer is prevented from communicating with the opposing party and he has a fiduciary duty to his clients and therefore is prevented from communicating directly with you"

This honestly sounds like they're both in cahoots and just taking us for a ride. The lawyers are laughing all the way to the bank and we're financially in a really bad spot.

Is what our lawyer says correct? They've claimed before that since they are acting both as trustees and lawyers they must be involved. We feel scammed.

Hi all,

I hope I can get your advice on a massively (and needlessly, imho) escalated boundary dispute with my neighbours, because it's immensely stressful and financially disastrous, and I have no idea where this will end.

I am NOT looking for actual legal advice - I have a lawyer. I just want to understand the likely process and cost and stuff.

Recently, boundary pegs were put in place that shows there's a slight difference between the current fence and the legal boundary between my neighbours and me. I had no idea, and neither did my neighbours. It's really only about 3m^2 of encroachments either side, so the stakes are very low, or so I thought.

It seems like something that could be easily and amicably resolved by just having a chat and making a plan to move the fence, or use the "give and take" approach where we mutually agree that the minor encroachments on each side mostly cancel out.

I'm not disputing that there are small encroachments on either side. I'm disagreeing with the enormous (for me) amount of money they're quoting for a new fence, while I've got two separate builders that quoted me a quarter of that amount.

The neighbours are including a lot of additional landscaping work that basically gives them the Rolls Royce of fences, while a Toyota would be perfectly adequate.

They're also claiming that I have been "exploiting" them by using land that "they've been paying rates for" and a bunch of other weird accusations. Everything is absurdly acrimonious.

I have said repeatedly I'm keen to find a practical and amicable solution, or resolve it through a mediation process. The neighbours flat out refuse to engage, saying they don't believe a mediation process would work.

They are only speaking to me through their very aggressive lawyer, which meant I had to engage a lawyer to respond to the situation. It's costing me a big chunk of my life savings so far (way more than the actual fence works!) and their lawyer is threatening to take me to court.

It's extremely stressful, and I don't understand how this situation can happen in the first place. I'm not rich, and this is a massive financial burden for something that would be so easy to resolve, I don't understand it at all. It feels absurd, punitive, and cruel, and I'm super sad to have such bad energy between neighbours.

My question to you is: what is likely to happen next? I'm worried that they'll drag me to court and I'll be bankrupt just paying legal bills to defend myself.

All I want to do is sit down like grown ups (with an independent facilitator) and resolve this.

Do I just give up and pay what they're asking me? What is a judge going to say? Is this going to literally cost me my entire (very modest) life savings?

I hope you can give me some reassurance. I'm losing a lot of sleep over it.

EDIT TO ADD: I've been served a fencing notice, and I've served a cross-notice which they seem to have gotten even more angry about, hence the court threats.

Hi all,

My partner is struggling hard with alcohol abuse. It's extremely destructive and I'm at my wits' end. She's been doing great for months and has now relapsed. I love her and I want to know if there is any chance to have a healthy relationship.

I don't have the tools I need to support her or keep myself sane, and I need help from an expert. She doesn't want to be like this either so she's open to seeing a counsellor together.

Anyone here in a similar situation? Who would you recommend I talk to? How do you manage/cope/find support?

She's done tons of counselling and support groups on her own; this would be primarily for me to understand how I can navigate this relationship (if possible).

I know about al-anon and I know people say it's helpful but I find the whole twelve step / religous slant extremely off-putting to be honest (I know, I can take from it what's useful and leave what doesn't resonate, but... it just feels super off for me).

If you're in a similar situation or have been and have any advice (or even some encouragement really), I would love to hear from you. <3

edit: Thanks for your responses! My partner has been involved with CareNZ/AA/counsellors for a long time and she really is trying. I just need help to understand how I can support her but also set boundaries. You've convinced me to contact Al-Anon, despite the weird vibes. Many thanks!

I'm an adult and I'm interested in learning Mandarin Chinese. I am a complete beginner with zero knowledge. :)

Work keeps me ultra busy so immersion courses or other formats that would require a lot of time aren't really suitable for me at this time.

I prefer courses that teach grammar as well as vocabulary. The Duolingo style where you just learn words and no grammar does not appeal to me at all.

What do you reckon? Should I even attempt this, or is it super hard to learn? What's the best place in Wellington to do an in-person course?