Any donors with young kids at home?
Wasn't sure whether to post here or on r/AITAH, but figured this would be more constructive, so here I am!
My husband (36m) decided earlier this year he wants to donate a kidney. I (40m) have some misgivings. My husband has been interested in the idea of altruistic donation since Dylan Matthews wrote about his experience in Vox years ago, but the inciting incident was that a friendly acquaintance (~40m) of his revealed that he needs a kidney.
I've met this person once or twice, perfectly nice, a university professor with a seemingly strong social network, but he has congenital kidney disease so family donation options seem limited. They're not a match (my husband has already gone through all the testing), but I understand that by donating on his behalf, my husband would push him up the priority list. The acquaintance's current situation is not dire, but he's been told by his doctors that he will likely need to start dialysis sometime in the next few years.
My husband has not revealed his plan to many people. All the family and friends I've shared it with think he's crazy. My parents were appalled and I had to stop taking their calls until they calmed down. I don't think he's crazy—I understand that kidney donation is relatively low risk while providing a tremendous benefit to the recipient, and I admire his impulse toward generosity. My concern is that we have a baby (15 months) at home and life is stressful and chaotic enough without trying to squeeze in an elective surgery right before Christmas because that's the only time my husband's work schedule would allow it.
I've told my husband I think now isn't the best time for our family, but he wants to help his acquaintance and says there's never a perfect time, which is probably true. My husband's personality type is definitely the say-yes-now-ask-questions-later type, so I feel like I'm the one who has to pump the brakes in these types of situations.
My most immediate concern is how the recovery period will impact our family. Our son will be ~19 months at the time of surgery. We have a nanny during weekday working hours, and could probably hire extra help during evening and weekend hours if need be, but obviously that's not ideal. It sounds like he wouldn't be able to pick up our son for up to six weeks, which means he'll have very limited childcare capacity. We don't have family near us and I imagine it would be difficult to travel for Christmas if he's one week post-op.
So, does anyone have experience donating a kidney with a toddler at home? Am I being pessimistic about the challenges posed by surgery and recovery under these circumstances? Any experiences or wisdom, positive or negative, would be much appreciated!