My instructor gave me 2.25
Sabi nila, "Grades don't define you." But sa totoo lang, nakakapanghinayang makita 'yung 2.25 na binigay sa'yo as final grade. It's not that I want a grade that's more than I deserve. It's just not what I expected kasi cinomply ko naman lahat. No missed classes, complete sa quizzes, project, examination. Kung flat dos, okay pa eh, the course was hard. Hindi ko pa talaga ma-process 'yung 2.25.
Now, I'm at the stage of just accepting it, kasi baka iyon talaga katas ng efforts ko. It's not actually me that I worry about nung una ko makita ko grade ko — nag-worry ako sa sasabihin ng parents ko. Despite not wanting to be overly conscious with my grades dahil nakaka-drain at sobrang unhealthy para sa well-being ko, there's a part of me that doesn't want to disappoint them.
I'll never forget that there's this one time, ang taas ng mga test scores ko, tapos nakita nila may isang mababa — nagbago ekspresyon ng mukha, nagbago ang tono ng boses. Idk if they noticed, but it stuck with me.
But now I'm at this situation, I have no choice, so I'm trying my best to see it in a different light.
"Grades don't define you, but it tells a story.", then I hope the 2.25 my instructor gave me, tells a story of me looking past numbers that measure my knowledge and efforts. Instead of chasing higher grades, I should focus on having meaningful experiences, better academic performance, and actual learning — not just for an uno in my card but for my own personal growth as well. Bonus na lang kung naappreciate nila.
Because there are times I found myself studying just to pass a quiz or a test. I don't think I'll be genuinely proud of myself kung may uno ako and wala naman talaga natutunan at all. It sort of creates an illusion of what I'm truly capable of. "So what you ace your finals exam, will you be able to handle the workload at your job?" thoughts alike form in my head that fuels my fear to world outside the wall of academia. But I'll leave this for the future me to discover.
Ayoko lang masira ng motivation ko to study from a 2.25 among all the uno I have and earned. I reached out sa instructor to ask what went wrong, dunno if I'll receive a reply pero kung wala, then it is what it is. (This is not that first time this happened. Dati binigay sa'kin 2.50, turns out, may error ngang na nangyari so naligtas pa. 2nd time, 2.00 binigay, maganda record ko kasi sinend sa gc yet still hindi binago kasi nag-resign na 'yung prof.)
So yeah, just wanted to get this load off my chest. Thank you for reading 'til the end.
Laban lang! ^^