Honest Question Regarding Physical and Mental Symptoms
Hello, all.
I want to first make it known that I am not advanced. I am not even an apprentice. I've only experienced what I've seen described as "the call." I have felt an innate desire recently to explore magick. I was first put off by the sheer amount of "mystery schools" online, especially those ran by popular Occultists in media or on YouTube. Many of them seem like money schemes, and as such I persevered and found Quareia.
I have only read through the website and very, very initial information. However, even doing so, or when pondering the concepts of it all, I experience some... strange symptoms.
My heart seems to race. Body aches and stiffness. Light-headedness. Short of breath and nausea. My appetite completely caves, as well.
When I take a break and go on about my day, these symptoms dissipate entirely.
Now, I'm not exactly sure what I am asking. I am not even sure if there is a correlation, or a further meaning here. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Is this my mind and body's way of telling me that I am not ready for this yet?
More importantly: not to get too into the details of my life story, but recently I have made some major life changes, including that of cutting out my extremely abusive family. I am also still unsettled and disturbed by my mother's passing 3 years ago, and have ultimately had a LOT of upheaval and turmoil take place within my life. I am still healing, and working on healing, but I'm not sure if I must be in a more secure state before going further into this world.
Again.. I am merely one just beginning to look into things. I have not started any of the work. But I do believe that this is something that should not go ignored, and as such I wanted to ask the best source of people for more insight on this matter.
Thank you for your sincere engagement with this post, and I would greatly appreciate any sort of wisdom. (Also, yes, I do know that these initial stages are meant to be heavily self-guided. I am just trying to be cautious, as I do not know if there is something else going on here and thus want to ask.)