Compassion Fatigue
Hi, I am new to this community but really wanted to discuss my feelings with people that may be able to understand/ relate and give advice/support.
I work at a cat rescue centre. I love my job but as many of you know this has been one of the busiest kitten seasons we have ever faced. This week at work really broke me and I am struggling to remain positive.
We had a mum and 5 kittens come in. They were riddled with fleas and in turn had flea anemia. They saw a vet and we gave them what we could when they are so young. The mum stopped feeding a couple of them so we sent them to a foster who hand rears where unfortunately after a couple of days they passed away. One of the kittens we kept at the centre passed overnight. I had to take that kitten to the vets for cremation and seeing their lifeless little body was heart breaking. The two remains kittens were doing well until one of them lost the use of their back legs. My colleague took her home but after a few days there was no improvement so she had to be put to sleep; we believe it was a blood clot (a possible risk with fleas anemia).
The one remaining kitten is with mum, he is being supplement fed milk as the mum is very stressed and only feeding occasionally. He is so gorgeous but I feel so scared of getting attached to him with how all of his siblings have gone. I'm trying to remain hopeful but he is still losing weight and his gums are still pale.
Then the final blow. A kitten of around 5 months had been with us for a month. The vet initially wanted to PTS for concerns about previous behaviours the owner had mentioned but from what we had seen he was playful, eating well and just genuinely full of life. Yes he walked with his feet a little outward but otherwise he seemed okay. He met a lovely family who were meant to be taking him home today. Unfortunately I came in on Wednesday and he just seemed off. It's hard to explain but he seemed zoned out; he wasn't vocal (not like him) and his tongue was permanently stuck out. I checked him over with a colleague and noticed his eyes were pulsing. He was taken to the vets were it was determined he had a seizure overnight and he was put to sleep. I was heartbroken. He was such a sweet and loving cat. His adopters were devastated too.
Then my colleague let me know we had to clear out and clean his unit as we had a kitten that needed to be brought in. The poor boy had only been over the rainbow bridge for a few hours. It felt so wrong to be clearing out his home for the last month. My colleague asked if I wanted to name the new kitten coming in but I said I didn't want to as they might pass away too and I don't want to keep having my heart broken.
I snapped at someone who said the usual 'your job is just playing with cats', normally I laugh this off but I just couldn't this time. I know I am lucky to work with animals but weeks like this make me want to do a job I don't care about where lives aren't involved. I am struggling with the lack of time to grieve and process. I am not a robot and can't shut off my feelings and even if I could I wouldn't want to. It's so important as it helps me to be good at my job to care as much as I do about these cats.
There has also been happy and amazing moments this week (including a cat giving birth, I got to see a kittens first breaths!) but I am struggling to focus and appreciate them with all the loss. We also had a good number of adoptions too.
Has anyone else experienced this feeling? Do you have any advice on how to cope with and process times like these? Or if you just want to talk about the cats as I really don't want them to be forgotten. I understand we are busy and that as soon as a space is available there is a cat or kitten waiting to go in it but I believe these cats are important and should be given time and treated and remembered as individuals.
Thank you.