u/ghostoutlaw

This is actually really impressive. Everyone says no one is buying shit, but companies are still hiring the worst sales people or still just have awful processes.

A friend of mine asked me earlier this week to help out with their merchant services, getting them set up on their website. NBD, reached out to the top 3 providers in his niche (specialized niche, don't DM me).

1. Never responded to our inquiry at all.

2. Took our signup, never gave us access, never got a rep to respond to finalize setup despite several emails and calls asking for setup.

3. took the signup, rep kept sending generic AI emails everytime we tried to get the account setup for processing and going forward. Despite multiple escalation attempts, AI emails are all we received.

Those were the top 3 processors in his niche.

It's really mind-blowing that even when everyone is saying 'sales are down and no one's buying anything, it also seems like people have forgotten how to take a payment too!

This is an actual job description that is posted, live, and probably getting tens if not hundreds of applicants. I won't dox the company, or the site i found it on, and I'm only going to post excerpts from it and break down how absolutely absurd and laughable this job description is. Again, these are actual requests by an employer who wants to pay you a salary. This company may or may not be in the tech space involving the letters "I" and "A".

> "on the hunt for the next Bill McDermott"

Currently CEO of Service now and one of the highest paid CEOs of all time.

> Bought a deli at 16 because nobody would give them the job they wanted.

I get the intent, that this is to demonstrate they want someone with no quit; however, someone with this much no quit won't work for other people, as the example actually fucking demonstrates. This is someone who will go as far as working for themselves. This also makes for a terrible employee, because it also means they have a brain and when you do something dumb enough, they'll leave and do it themselves.

> Has gotten a meeting by showing up in the lobby more than once.

Maybe the most reasonable request in the whole JD.

> Thinks a discount is the last tool in the box, not the first.

I completely agree with this. Again, maybe the only two reasonable things in the JD.

> win over a room of facilities veterans who've never trusted software on Wednesday,

Why are you in this room trying to sell to people who have made it clear they will never buy?

> Who thinks spending an hour studying a prospect's facility portfolio before writing three sentences is a reasonable

So this person works either 168 hours per week or has 0 time for meetings because they spend all their time studying facility portfolio.

> No pressure, just... the next Bill McDermott.

Okay, so you know you're insane and this coy closer is you trying to relieve the pressure from the hate mail you should be getting for asking for insanity.

The type of people you're asking to work for you just won't. You'll work for them.

Especially when you're offering at 75/75 split (most likely, it's listed as (150k-300k but considering this is sales hire number 2, there likely is no evidence to assess whether these numbers are attainable and almost all employers are inflating the advertised numbers. This could very well be a 150/150 split, but considering a ton of the staff at this company is essentially interns, I doubt paying well is one of their hallmarks.)

3-stage interview process, including a details-not-disclosed homework assignment.

What is most egregious here, to me, is the ask for someone who is willing to buy a business. As mentioned earlier, anyone willing to take the risk and go it alone isn't willing to work for someone else and will absolutely provide an employer many, many more headaches (via the good kind of upward pressure) than an ordinary manager can handle. An ordinary manager will see their resistance and requests as dissent and not up their own game to channel that energy towards more beneficial outcomes. These are the people who need to be skip-level promoted, but modern corporate culture forbids that.

Again, I do get the intent, they're seeking for overachievers but this is just so cringe, so unrealistic, so out of touch, and so mismatched (ask v reward) it's actually pretty mindblowing.

Taking over under bets on the number of applicants they've received for this job posting.