further than i expected with 10x
the Best that I can explain of what just happened in a narrative: somewhere between the second and third hit, I became a "we". we were going to the circus. I believed this with absolute conviction, but we needed to hit more, and I was hitting “the more”. It was difficult to hit more because my arm was folding up along with my desk which was good, I need it to fold more so that we could go. I was laughing at this entity because it didn’t get “the more” to go and I was. Anyway, the room and me and my arm and the pipe folded up with a sense of completion and then unfolded into my room. I was both me and not me, an adequate performer of the role of me, and I came from the circus that’s outside. Everything looked hyper-unreal. Sort of like how on Acid everything looks hyper real, well this was the opposite. Except it didn’t look any different visually. Overall it was an emotionally flat experience besides the funniness, and somewhat mildly unsettling towards the end as the performer sensation wore off.
Some things I think are notable: The onset is so immediate, smooth, and it feels expected/intentional. It’s like you’re suddenly there doing what you’re supposed to be doing, and you didn’t transition at all from some prior state. It’s like clicking on a light, only the switch doesn’t do anything, the lights already on. The state transition is so total and immediate, and yet you don’t perceive it. It’s like the bridge or sense of continuity of experience just vaporizes. You get there and you’re there, having never been elsewhere. That’s extremely unique. Even with psychedelic ego dissolution, there’s a sense of process before you’re totally gone. It’s something you undergo before any priors cease to exist. I once smoked 150mg of DMT, and even that had a powerful sense of transition before total annihilation.
The next thing that’s notable is the breakdown of categories, and particularly subject/object distinction. For example, the idea of taking another hit became a sort of procedural singularity of ideas that was represented by “the more”. The More encapsulated my psychological state, the physical process of taking a hit, the idea of what it does, all wrapped up into a concrete and inseparable little bundle.
The physical distortion feels oddly natural, and quite complete. Your physical being becomes a part of the environment, which is itself a process. The stereotypical folding and rotating are very pronounced, but it doesn’t concern you. Again, the idea of a you are breaking down in a unique way. You and your body are a part of this process. The somatic distortion is probably the most difficult thing to describe. I have no idea. Geometry itself sort of fails, and everything becomes markedly orthogonal.
The visuals were really, unique. I have a lamp on my desk that spells out “love” and the O is a star. My vision at first became this star, and I knew for a fact that this star was a wagon. The old timey kind, and it had some conscious things inside of it. These conscious things are what I was laughing at for not getting The More. The star became the locus around which everything else folded into. It had a grainy particularity around the edges like the static of a CRT but not, and two sharp seams. above and below the seams the folding occurred, rotating into the graininess around the central star. Once the rotating folds completed, it opened “like a book” back into my room. I began to get the feeling of being dropped back into the theatre that is my life
Open closer inspection, I’m delusional as shit. The lamp has no stars. really curious stuff. totally alien to anything else i've tried. it's almost as if your entire sensorium gets tangled up in knots and you can't distinguish between the senses themselves and your own thoughts. the bulk of this was wrote while still coming down.