u/ikigailifedream

TL;DR: I've supported my parents and brother financially for years, yet I feel valued only for what I provide. My mother puts down my marriage, and they show little interest in my life. I don't want their property, just emotional warmth. Am I wrong to want that? And how do I accept that I may never get it without becoming bitter or losing my ability to enjoy my own life?

I'm a 33-year-old woman from India, living in the UK. I don't hate my parents and I don't hold a grudge. I know they have their own beliefs and limits, and I'm trying to accept that they may never fully approve of my choices. What hurts is the lack of emotional support and interest in my life, despite everything I've done.

Background
I'm the eldest daughter. I studied in government schools and hostels on scholarships, ate poor food, and worked hard to build a successful career. My parents covered my basics growing up and paid about $4,000 toward my B.Tech hostel fees, which I paid back before moving abroad. I funded my own master's with a scholarship and my savings.

What I've done for them
Gave 50% of my salary from my first job onward
Given around ₹70 lakhs over the years, plus monthly expenses and help with loans
Paid for vacations, birthdays, surgeries and hospital visits
Their 3-storey house and big car were bought with my money

Supported my younger brother from 11th grade through B.Tech with fees and expensive hostel fees, plus pocket money and his trips, ever need of his was taken care by me. I used to order even his basic necessities to hostel.

Still send ₹50,000 every month for food and clothes (they have no EMIs), and still cover my brother's expenses seperately. Apart from tjis till today all extra luxury costs are seperate from this monthly money and i have to send it even if its their international trips ( not uk) they are not interested to visit me. They have uk visas too from 5 years but never rhey showed interest to come and visit even durinh our housewarming event they didny come.

I bought my own wedding gold, and my parents used it for a gold loan. Now they say I can pay off the loan if I want it back. I'm also paying for my own wedding.

Where it hurts
I'm marrying someone from a different religion. My parents said yes at first, but they never welcomed him. They've never spoken to him and have made negative comments about him, while he has never said one bad word about them. He supports me in everything.
My mother said he's only marrying me for the family property. So I told them we don't want any property, gold or house, and they can give it all to my brother. I even offered to sign bond papers. My fiancé and I both earn well, and we bought our own house in the UK by god grace.

Still:
My mother has called me stupid, immature and wasteful, and said my life is a failure because I marrying outside our community
My father barely engages. Most calls are about money, health or things they need
When I was hospitalized abroad with a serious leg problem, nobody followed up
When I said we were buying a house, they said "what's the need, don't waste money," right after buying their second house with my money
They say they can't come to the UK to help after I have a baby because it's too far, though they're only in their early 50s. I can understand not everyone is interested in baby stuff but i feel sad that my baby wont have e grandparents warmth.

My brother wanted a new iPhone. I said I couldn't right now because of the house and wedding, and he suggested I take a loan. I said I'd buy it next year. My parents say I should never say no to him. (My own phone is broken and I haven't replaced it because it's so expensive.)

I never shouted or got angry or said anything i did all of this for you. When talks get hurtful, I keep them short and move on. I keep supporting them because I see it as my duty as a daughter, and I don't want to abandon them when they're older or have real medical needs. Never once i heard they saying that they are proud of me nor they acknowledged I helped them with money. Only thing i hear is constant criticism during calls.

How I feel now
I have a wonderful fiancé, a good career, stability and a home . I am really grateful. On paper, my life is good. But I've become very sad, and I'm losing interest in celebrating my wedding, my future baby, my birthdays and other milestones. Part of me feels like I don't deserve good things because my parents aren't happy with my choices.
I see other parents truly celebrate their daughters and wonder why mine can't. I wonder if things would be different if I'd married within the community. My mind keeps trying to empathize with them, even though I know my fiancé is a good man and I love our life together. Am I wrong to want that? And how do I accept that I may never get it without becoming bitter or losing my ability to enjoy my own life?