u/isthisitthatsit

I moved into my mold free home about a month ago. I have a bed and a small table and a friend gave me this weird little half couch thing. I work at an interior design firm and have connections to nice furniture for cheap and I’ve always love art and just making my home whimsical, but I can’t bring myself to get anything. I thought it was decision overwhelm, but I find myself getting really sad at the thought of replacing anything. And sometimes it’s not sadness, but just no desire. I don’t really have the funds to redo the whole thing right away, but I can’t bring myself to even start. It feels depressing and overwhelming…

I left the mold house over a month ago and finally disposed of the last items from the house 2-3 weeks ago. I tried to keep non-porous things and clean things, but ended up contaminating my new place and getting even sicker than before. I bought an air scrubber and got rid of everything and had a cleaning company come. I started taking binders and mold killers and finally started feeling physically better about a week ago, but I continue to feel braindead. I am making countless dumb mistakes at work, I can’t keep track of any appointments, I forget what I’m doing the second start. It’s making me lose my mind.

I’ve always been really on top of things, my brain can just multitask really well (or could). And the job I have relies on the fact that I could do 100 things and stay on top of it all, but I can barely remember a single detail now. Every mistake I make, causes me to sink further into this depression and I’m terrified I’m going to lose my job. I lost all of my things and am living in this empty sterile apartment without the funds to rebuild and I can’t even think?? I’m using lists and reminder and calendar alerts, but nothing is working…I don’t understand what’s happening. I just want to go back to my old self. How long will this last?? Or if you don’t know, any commiserations are appreciated. I hate this.