My alcoholic narc dad might be dying and it’s driving me insane
28F here. My narc dad in his 60s who has emotionally terrorized my family for years almost died from his alcoholism this fall. He has liver failure. Of course, he went to the hospital for over a week, they saved him, and then he got sober for about 5 months.
Now he has started drinking again as of a few weeks ago, 10 drinks a night. In the hospital this fall the doctors acted like if he drank again, he could quickly pass away from liver failure. He had over 6 liters of fluid drained from his belly.
My family have all cut off contact w him except me. I am having nightmares about him and his alcoholism. I am having relationship problems with my new partner bc of my insecurities and low self esteem from growing up with a bullying narc father.
I’m constantly both dreading and longing for his demise. I can’t keep living in limbo. Is he gonna live or die??? The lack of control stresses me out beyond belief. I want to disconnect. I’m in therapy. I go to Al anon. But I just can’t handle the stress of him being alive and drinking. And I’m scared of him dying as well. All options feel terrible. And I can’t cut him off. It makes me feel so sad for him. It’s all just too much sometimes.
And I’m not gonna lie, I’m upset that his narc tendencies and him slowly chipping away at my self esteem since I was a little kid has made it so hard for me to be confident and secure in my relationship, friendships, career, and more. It’s not fair. It sucks. I know life’s not fair. I’m just sad and overwhelmed. Sending love to all of us who deal with this.
I would love some support, advice, love, etc. thank you. Just having a hard day :(