u/jane760

I'm early in the journey of caring for my HWP and I'm struggling. I buried my mom earlier this year after taking care of her for four months following a stroke and I do not know how to turn into this. That was such a heavy experience and while I feel I had closure and can move past it - seeing my husband change feels beyond me. I'm grieving the person I'm losing and while normally I can be resilient and optimistic, the sadness I feel over all the small things creates such fear for the future. His cognitive decline is heartbreaking.

I find my internal capacity to cope dumbstruck and unwilling. Gah. What do you do?

He was my person. I could rely on him for everything from a shared view on politics, to household responsibilities, to shared humor, and comfort. All of that is changing. He can listen to me but doesnt't understand the way he used to. I find myself frustated and unable to contain it. Last year he thought he had paid our car insurance but had somehow gotten it wrong and when a car hit our house and totalled my car we weren't covered. At the time I thought it was an oversight, but shortly afterwards when he was diagnosed with PD I realized that was a contributing factor and now I can see the difficulty he has with cognitive processing in almost everything he does.

I know I'm venting a little but I really do want any suggestions for early support in just coping with my own sadness. He seems to be unaware of many of the cognitive changes. He experiences apathy so that could be a factor in him being unaware. I don't want to share my feelings with him - it doesn't feel fair and it shouldn't be about me (and I don't think he can process it). I need to get it together so I can be there for him. I'm trying. But I'm also not coping well. Not internally. Not really.

Thanks for listening. Any input is welcome.