Supervisor is making me lose my spark...
I'll try to keep this as short as possible, but any advice or next steps would be greatly appreciated. My relationship with my supervisor has gotten to the point that I feel overwhelming frustration and sadness everyday. I'm just over a year in my role and started straight after my grad program, so I'm not sure if this is normal or something worth discussing, but I'll speak solely from my perspective:
- I am CONSISTENTLY disregarded, contradicted, or interrupted by my supervisor in almost every meeting we've attended together. Like straight up mid-sentence, in front of people, publicly. To the point that others have noticed and tried to steer the convo back.
- My supervisor has on COUNTLESS occasions put me in uncomfortable positions due to their lack of preparation or punctuality. I've been asked to lead meetings with less than 10 minutes notice due to their tardiness more times that I can count. I've been asked to prepare materials that they forgot about with less than a day's notice. I've shown up to incorrect locations or times of events because of their error in messages, calendar invites, etc. I've been asked to last-minute lead meetings that I wasn't even on communications about.
- I am regularly left OFF email chains or other communications that directly affect my ability to fulfill my role. Like, I was even removed by them from chains I was ALREADY ON because it was "at a higher level now", only to find out that they missed important deadlines that we wouldn't have missed had I stayed on the chain.
- When we have scheduled meetings or 1:1s that I clear my schedule for, I spend a grand majority of the time (15-30 minutes minimum) sitting there waiting for them to be ready to begin. Usually they are sidetracked or distracted with emails and won't even acknowledge my presence. These meetings, of course, then go over time and cause me to be late to other meetings.
- I am perpetually trying to do damage control for their erratic decisions that are made with no warning or forward-thinking. Like, adding prospective staff members (that I supervise) to random listservs and work files before they are even hired. Emailing people on my behalf (who directed their email towards me) instead of allowing me to respond. Spending money we don't have and not having any form of budget tracking. I could go on and on.
- If I begin to advocate for myself, I am met with defensiveness and questioning. There was one time I asked to be added back to an email chain that directly affected my work that they took me off of, and I was met with a two paragraph message that questioned why I needed to be on it and if I was doubting their ability to relay information to me.
- ^To that point, they are constantly telling me about things after the fact, when it is far too late to weigh in. We sent things off to print that had typos and errors in it, printed 500 copies, and I was only told once they were already in production: "oh btw I sent these to print...."
- They constantly change the work I produce solely for the point of making changes without any reason to back it up. Like.... adding things to design work, taking things away, etc. The kicker is, I have a graphic design background. The work they change is usually sent back for revision and ultimately revised to my original version.
- I have never, not once, had a meeting by myself without them present (unless they're late). For some reason, they constantly request to be added to any meetings I schedule without them. For the record, I am not on any type of performance plan and have never had a conversation about anything that would cause them to feel like they couldn't trust me.
I'm so sorry this is a lot, but this relationship is making me the most miserable I could be. I have always been the type of person to learn quickly and push through, even during moments of conflict or challenge. This goes beyond that and I keep finding myself during the points above just shrugging and deciding it's not worth the fight anymore. It has torn me down. Managing up isn't really an option, and their supervisor is kind of disengaged as well.
If you read all of this, thank you. Open to any advice or feedback given.