u/juiceson

Well friends, Round 22 is here, just 3 games remaining before the almighty Wildcard weekend, we're casually ignoring the peak of Specky Magee and Dustin Martin, and what an enthralling weekend we have as we also see the return of the AFLW for season 2026, kicking off with the doubleheader of St Kilda vs Carlton for Spud's Game on Sunday night, before the rest of the women's league have to wait until next weekend, because they're not cool enough.

In the meantime, time to race through the games:

• Thursday night has the Western Bulldogs hosting North Melbourne at the Marvel Stadium, as the Doggies Top 6 chances are disappearing like an investment in Jake Stringer's fish oil business, while North have 3 more chances to rack up the honourable losses and do some falling with style.

• For the 80th time in the last 2 years Brisbane's premiership defence is in serious jeopardy as they host Hawthorn at the Gabba on Friday night, and prior to Saturday night this game would've had 3rd spot up for grabs, but Brisbane's bed shitting has left them outside the Top 4, while a win for the Hawks would be their first at the Gabba since 2016, and it would seal a Top 4 spot and leave them 1 win away from locking in 3rd.

Also a milestone for Brisbane - Chris Fagan equals Leigh Matthews' record of 237 games as coach of the Lions, and by a funny coincidence they have both won 142 games and had 92 defeats as Lions coach (Matthews had 3 draws, Fagan has 2)... how appropriate that Lord Fagan equals the milestone against the club he was recruited from

• Saturday afternoon has another rather crucial game as Melbourne host Fremantle at the MCG, which marks only the second time Freo have played at the MCG this season and may potentially be the last time they play there if they make it all the way to the Grand Final, and of course the Dockers can confirm the minor premiership with a win, their first since 2015, while the Dees have to maintain 6th spot with Geelong and the Doggies breathing down their necks...

I would do note that If Fremantle do win, they'll be the first team to win 19 games in a home & away season since Hawthorn in 2013.

• Sydney host Port Adelaide at the SCG, and having overcome the St Kilda challenge last week the Swans' road to the Top 2 looks very good with a depleted Pear, the Bombers then North, while Port are busy trying to rebuild Zak Butters before Round 24... THEY HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY.

• Geelong host Essendon at GMHBA in the Saturday twilight slot, as the Cats go for a historic 500th win at Kardinia Park, and if Dean Solomon didn't want to be a contender for the Essendon job in 2026, he sure as shit won't be after this is done

• Adelaide host Richmond at the Adelaide Oval on Saturday evening, as the Crom get another chance to buff up their percentage before the almighty game against Freo next week, while the Tigers have ended the losing streak, got off the bottom of the ladder, and now they're just waiting to see if Essington want to play themselves out of Pick 1.

• GWS host the Gold Coast in Canberra, and of course there's great history with these teams in the nation's capital, as it was where GWS got their maiden AFL victory against the Suns in 2012... in fact, the Suns haven't won in Canberra since 2013 as they go for 11 defeats in a row, while the Giants need to recover as many of their losses as they can to try and qualify for the Wildcard... does Canberra have a good fish oil market?

• Collingwood make a rare trip west of Horsham as they go to Perth to play West Coast at Optus, and we can all see how this one will play out... West Coast challenge early, Jake Waterman misses 4 gettable kicks at goal, Harley Reid gets a few even up frees, Collingwood sneak away with the win and Nick Daicos gets 10 coaches votes.

• A Sunday night special and a massive one at that as St Kilda host Carlton at Marvel in the annual Spud's Game, a first this year as the clubs play off in the aforementioned AFLW season opener, followed by the game honouring the legacy of the Golden Fist pioneer, and it is a rather crucial game as the winner will be guaranteed 10th spot... unless GWS defeat the Suns by so much that they jump St Kilda on percentage even if the Saints win.

Another note - If Carlton win they'll have a winning record for the first time in 2026, after being 1-8... I don't believe there's ever been a team in the history of the league to achieve that, even the 2014 Richmond that made the finals after being 3-10.

MILESTONES, WHICH IS DIFFERENT TO CHEECH AND CHONG WHO WERE MILESTONED

Geelong are going for their 500th win at Kardinia Park - They would be the 4th team to win at least 500 games at one venue after Carlton at Princes Park (Won 673 games out of 962), Melbourne at the MCG (673 from 1296) and Collingwood at Victoria Park (643 wins from 863)

Patrick Dangerfield's next game matches David Mundy for 10th on the all-time games list

Dane Rampe qualifies for AFL Life Membership (300 total games across Premiership season + Pre season games)

250 games for Ryan Lester , 6th Brisbane Lions player to reach 250 games

200 games for Jarrod Berry ... he is the 3rd Lion to play his 200th game for the club in 2026

Jake Lever's 150th game for Melbourne (206th career game)

100 games for Toby Bedford , Jason Horne-Francis and Liam Stocker

50 games for Brayen Cook and Joe Richards

Hello all, apologies for interrupting your Bounce watching but I do need to make an effort in putting up the Post Round after rushing through traffic after being outside all day, which is still a better effort than most of you put in getting the Post Game threads up.

DO BETTER.

Anyway, I best follow that advice and do better, unlike Brisbane:

• The great thing about Thursday night's pre-game is that we never heard the Collingwood theme song at any point during the night, thanks Geelong

• Unlike Essendon in 2000, Fremantle topple the Western Bulldogs Superflood

• Sydney overpower the Saints in the 4th Quarter... again

• In a game I would rather not watch twice, The Wizard creates an 80-year first for the shortarses of the AFL and condemns North to another honourable loss

• The Australian women commit the worst atrocity against the Irish since U2's 360 Tour

• The Giants actually defeat a Bottom 10 team despite going goalless in the final quarter

• Seriously, how fucking bad was Michael Voss at Carlton?

• West Coast succeed in kicking the chair out from underneath them as Richmond decide to condemn Essington to the Wooden Spoon

• COP THAT PETRACCA

• The Crom are into the Top 4 as Hird Time's A Charm

LOL OF THE WEEK

Some top notch nominees this week, including Aidan Schubert spoiling Jarman Impey's shot at goal, which resulted in Cam Zurhaar turning the ball over to Nick Watson for his 5th goal, Carton hit the same G.Post twice in 15 seconds, Mitch McGovern taking a great mark and kicking straight into a Lions player... actually, that's how dominant Carlton were against Brisbane, they dominated the game and the LOL nominations..

Jake Waterman's goalkicking is now so bad that he is a serious chance of cracking the LOL of the Year field, having cost West Coast yet another game...

But this week's LOL goes to a player who actually had a superb night on Saturday night - BRODIE KEMP, for pulling the fabled Esava Ratugolea move and SPOILING HIS OWN TEAMMATE'S SHOT AT GOAL.

What a night - 5 goals, 4 premiership points, 2 Brownlow votes and a LOL Nomination.

MICHAEL VOSS MEMORIAL CARLTON OF THE WEEK

After seeing the way Carlton played on Saturday night, once again, it's MICHAEL VOSS!

Alright folks we have reached the end of July, the AFL has finally released the Round 23 and 24 fixtures, and it's obviously a very fair draw to end the season because absolutely everybody is annoyed, including fans wanting to attend AFLW games, which goes to show you how committed the AFL is to gender equality.

But yep, giving St Kilda a 5-day break heading into Round 24, just because the league didn't want the potential Wildcard teams to play on Shithouse Sunday in Round 24...

Ah yes, who could have foreseen this problem.

Now, moving on:

• Collingwood and Geelong on a Thursday night at the MCG, only the second time in history the teams have played each other on a Thursday night, after Easter Thursday back in 2009, and what a fair old slobberknocker this one should be, as the winner stays right in the hunt for Top 6, and the loser will sit in 9th.

• Fremantle play the Western Bulldogs in yet another Friday night game in Perth, and while Transperth keep praying for mercy from these weekday games in Perth, there could be a couple of records for Freo, as they go for 18 wins in a home & away season for the first time ever, and they can also lock themselves in for the Top 2 on the last day of July...

The last team to officially confirm a Top 2 finish before the start of August was St Kilda in 2009, who confirmed their Top 2 finish on July 25 (Round 17 of 22 that year), when they went to 17-0 and sat 6 games clear of the 3rd-placed Bulldogs after defeating them that weekend.

• Yet another Marvel Stadium Saturday double header, and kicking it off is the Stolen Forward Cup as St Kilda host the Sydney Swans, and what a great shared history of traded forwards the teams have, from Plugger to Barry Hall, Adam Schneider, Trent Dennis-Lane.... and then there's Sean Dempster and Zak Jones.

• Hawthorn host North Melbourne in Launceston in the 100th AFL game to be played at York Park (The first was Hawthorn vs Adelaide in 2001), and you may not also know this year is also 50th anniversary year of the 1976 Grand Final between the teams... not that the AFL gave a shit, because they made them play in Tasmania, again.

• For whatever reason there's no twilight game on Saturday and so we have to wait the best part of 2 hours for Port Adelaide to host GWS at the Adelaide Oval, as Port get behind Mitch Georgiades' bid for the Peter Sumich Medal, and it appears GWS' season is well and truly up the creek as they can't even defeat a Top 6 team, and now they're up against a Bottom 4 team...

• Carlton play Brisbane in the Saturday Night Marvel game, and what a momentous occasion for Carlton as Patrick Cripps brings up his 250th game, having reached the milestone before he broke his back carrying the team, while the Lions go for their 8th win in a row, and amazingly it'd be the 3rd time in the last 3 seasons that they've won at least 8 consecutive games.

• A massive game in the Wooden Spoon cripple fight as Richmond host West Coast at the MCG on Sunday afternoon, and I am tempting fate for the coming weeks but this looks like the greatest chance both teams will get to a win for the rest of the season, although I think Richmond will win because West Coast are too busy studying every free kick and 50m penalty paid against Harley Reid this year.

• Gold Coast host Melbourne at Carrara, and Damien Hardwick has already equalled the worst losing streak of his coaching career at 9 losses in a row, which were the first 9 games of his coaching tenure at Richmond... Melbourne, WE WANT TEN, WE WANT TEN!

• And the last game of the round sees Essendon and Adelaide at Marvel, the first game between the teams since March 22 of last year that they've played, and as was noted on this sub, Adelaide has played Collingwood 5 times in that timeframe.

What another great piece of fixturing.

FLOATING MILESTONES

Patrick Dangerfield's next game is his 376th game, levelling David Mundy for 10th on the all-time games list

350th game played by the Gold Coast Suns (112 wins, 2 draws, 235 defeats so far)

250 games for Patrick Cripps and Nick Haynes (Played 211 games for GWS)

150 games for Luke Davies-Uniacke and Willem Drew

100th VFL/AFL game at York Park... only 10 of them haven't featured Hawthorn (The last was the 2021 Elimination Finals)

100 games for Noah Answerth , Josh Treacy , Rhylee West and Hayden Young

Milestone next week - Chris Fagan coaches his 236th game on Saturday night, would be 1 game behind Leigh Matthews (237) for most games as coach of the Brisbane Lions

So here we are at Round 20, the last full weekend of July and the AFL still haven't released the fixtures for Rounds 23 and 24, and we've got another random re-appearance of a FRIDAY NIGHT DOUBLE HEADER, and another Marvel Stadium Saturday double, the first one since Round 8.

We didn't ask for it, but we got it.

Now, on with the show, and there's some decent contests this weekend, plus some games that won't be going straight to VHS, mainly because VHS is obsolete.

• Adelaide play Collingwood on the Thursday night at the Adelaide Oval, another game with massive consequences for both teams as the Crom need to keep winning to remain in the Top 4 hunt and stay in the Top 6, while Collingwood have a very realistic chance at finally defeating a Top 8 team this year, and of course the Round 23 game last year to decide the minor premiership was Adelaide's greatest home crowd ever at 54,283... there was another game a few weeks later, but only Collingwood remember it.

• Another crunch game as the two oldest clubs in the league in Melbourne and Geelong play at the MCG to start the Friday doubleheader, as the former Geelong captain and assistant coach Steven King finally gets to take on Chris Scott with a fair bit on the line as Melbourne have a massive shot at a Top 4 finish, and Geelong need to win given they're 2 games outside the Top 6

Another fun history lesson, the last time Melbourne hosted Geelong in a Home & Away Friday night game was Round 19, 2008... the same night the Beijing Olympics began, Geelong led 53-0 at Quarter Time and won by 116 points.

• For the first time since Round 20, 2005 there will be a Friday night Western Derby as Fremantle play West Coast at Optus, as Perth prepares to deal with some of the almightiest traffic congestion ever seen... it's also the 200th AFL game at Optus!

• The first of the Marvel Saturday games as Carlton host the Gold Coast, and all I can surmise is what a perfect opportunity for Carlton to reignite the streak.

• The Saturday twilight game has the great rivals Hawthorn hosting Essendon at the MCG, the Hawks getting another very winnable game in the hunt for a Top 2 spot, and the Bombers now play with the freedom of knowing they've lumped the great anchor of wooden spoon favouritism onto Richmond... although unfortunately for the Bombers, Richmond play West Coast next week.

• The other twilight game features the second of the Sydney Derbies in 2026 as the Orange Team from Western Sydney host the Swans from Eastern Sydney, and after getting their arses kicked by the formerly last-placed Bombers, GWS now have a game they might turn up for given the Swans are in 2nd... so expect Dean Cox to pull a surprise and stick a 1 in front of that 2 to make it look like they're a Bottom 10 team....

Still, the Swans are playing like one right now.

• The standalone Saturday night game returns as the Western Bulldogs play Richmond in the second of the Saturday Marvel games, and it was this game last year that caused Dwayne Russell to mention the phrase "They need a safeword here Richmond!"... it obviously worked as the Bulldogs only won by 79 points.

• The early Sunday game has the Brisbane Lions hosting Port Adelaide at the Gabba, the Lions one of the other teams right in the hunt for a Top 2/Top 4/Top 6 finish, and there is a big milestone for the Lions with it being Charlie Cameron's 200th game for the Lions after that trade from Adelaide in 2017... since 2019, he's only missed 2 games (Both of them last year)

• And the last game of the round has North Melbourne hosting St Kilda at Marvel, as North go for another honourable loss in a frustrating end to their year, while St Kilda hang on by their arse hairs to a Top 10 spot, which may get a potential lifeline with Max King half a chance to play his first game since Round 16, 2024...

One King prepares to leave, another one returns

200th AFL game at Perth Stadium (West Coast have played there 105 times, Fremantle 103)... all up it's the 819th VFL/AFL game in WA

Luke Ryan is the first player to play 100 games at Perth Stadium... Andrew Brayshaw will play his 99th game, and Liam Duggan is 3rd ahead of his 92nd game at Optus

200 games for Jordan de Goey ... it wasn't him, his dog did it

Charlie Cameron's 200th game for Brisbane

150 games for Nic Newman and Isaac Quaynor

Ben Keays plays his 150th game for Adelaide, and 150th consecutive AFL game (3rd current player on 150+ consecutive games after Jack Crisp on 280 and Callum Wilkie on 173)

150 AFL games as Coach double - Matthew Nicks and Justin Longmuir ... Both coaches had to isolate and miss games in 2022 (Nicks missed Round 8, Longmuir missed Rounds 3 and 4)

100 games for Hayden Young , Dylan Stephens , and Tom Powell may as well start paying rent because he's stuck here for a while

Harris Andrews' 100th game as captain of the Brisbane Lions

Two Metre Peter Wright's 100th game for Essendon

50 games for Nathan O'Driscoll , Joe Richards , Karl Worner and Jack Williams

Well friends that was Round 18, the 3/4 distance marker for the home & away season as we now have only 6 rounds remaining, and what a wild old week for stats it was:

Freo become the first team in league history to score 100+ points after going goalless to half time... it was only the 3rd time Freo had ever gone goalless in the 1st Half, and they still managed to turn the 1st vs 2nd contest against the Swans into a Ferrari vs a Pushbike.

As Josh Carr's ethical tank does the job, St Kilda knocked off Port Adelaide in Melbourne for the first time since 2010, and it's the first time since 1997 (Port's inaugural season) that St Kilda have defeated the Pear twice in a season

After trailing Geelong by 39 points, and still trailing by 27 points at 3/4 time, GWS produced yet another monster finish and became the first team in 23 years to win 5 consecutive games against Geelong, something that hadn't happened since the Threepeat Brisbane Lions... it's also the first time Geelong have lost 5 out of 6 games since 2006.

Thanks to an injury, Rory Laird's streak of 15+ disposal games ended at 246 consecutive games, another mammoth streak contained entirely within Jack Crisp's consecutive games streak

And by playing today, Darcy Wilmot became the first player in league history to play their first 100 games in under 4 years (3 years, 314 days), and that record may not even last another 2 years with the way Levi Ashcroft is going.

Now, moving on:

• Freo rub Sydney on the head, kick 15 goals in a Half and don't even bother giving them the joy of being killed in Wharfie Time

• A true blast from the past on Friday night as Collingwood GET AWAY WITH IT in a close game

• The Saints do enough for win 1001 as Port Adelaide fans were injured just watching the game

• Shaun Mannagh kicked a goal with his pants pulled down, but by the end of the game it was the Giants who pulled the Cats' pants down

• Hawthorn drown THE STREAK in the pouring rain as Carlton decide to rehire Michael Voss, sack him again, and reappoint Josh Fraser to reset the new coach bounce

• The Crom get a percentage booster at the AO as the Suns lose their 7th in a row and fail in their efforts to help dump Brisbane out of the Top 4

• The Bulldogs send West Coast to the hallowed halls of Honourable Loss FC thanks to the Eagles' crap goalkicking

• HE'S 209 CENTIMETRES MATE

• As everyone predicted Brisbane skullfucked Essendon for 3 quarters then take the foot off the gas in the 4th Quarter, because if there's one thing they don't need in this Top 4 race, it's percentage.

LOL Of The Week

Bit of a mixed week for laughter, although I did see there was a good nomination from the World Cup today when Breel Embolo dived while he was on a yellow card, leading to him being sent off and Switzerland losing all momentum and being knocked out by Argentina...

More locally, the dodgy Play On call + 50-metre penalty in the Carlton-Hawthorn game was suggested, but citing the Ben Keays Goal Umpire rule from 2023 we avoid giving LOLs to umpires, Sydney got a mention for conceding 15 goals in a half after holding Freo goalless to the half...

Also a late mention to the ESSENDON SPOON KING at the Gabba, because that was damn funny..

But in a rare case of a player from a winning team taking the prize, ISAIAH DUDLEY IS AWARDED THE LOL FOR OUTSTANDING SERVICES TO THE LOL - THE TIME-HONOURED EARLY CROW GOAL CELEBRATION.... which turned out to be a behind.

Bloody hell, Freo just can't stop winning!

THE MICHAEL VOSS MEMORIAL CARLTON OF THE WEEK

After the disappointment of not having a Carlton of the Week last week, by sheer coincidence the Carlton of the Week is back after a Carlton loss to honour the great 2nd Half collapses of the week, and there were some great ones:

Egypt blowing a 2-0 lead against Argentina in the last 15 minutes of the World Cup Round of 16 to lose 3-2...

But we've gone local and given it to Geelong, for giving up a 27-point 3/4 time lead and losing to GWS again..

It is a bit harsh, considering Tanner Bruhn and Jeremy Cameron spent the night in hospital doped on morphine and Jack Henry sounds like a pack a day smoker, but after losing 5 out of 6 the poor buggers need a win.

Amazing to think we're already at Round 18.

Anyway, here's a look at the weekend, and it has already been noted that this week will see black armbands across the league to mourn the death of Nathan Fitzgerald, and there will a minute's silence on Sunday afternoon in the Melbourne-Richmond game, as Fitzgerald was a devoted Richmond fan.

• The clash of the season as 1st placed Fremantle, now a bunch of losers for the first time in 4 months, host 2nd placed Sydney, the second biggest sporting event for a New South Wales team this week, and it is the first time in 2026 that the Top 2 teams have met during a round, and the first time it's occurred in any home & away season since Round 23 of 2023, when Collingwood played Brisbane... of course, the Swans have won the last 4 against Freo at Optus

• Collingwood host North Melbourne at Marvel in a rare standalone Friday night game, another crunch game for a Top 10 spot, and if my do my maths right this is the first time North Melbourne have had a free-to-air Friday night game since Round 20, 2019.... if you don't consider all those Good Friday games as night games.

• St Kilda play Port Adelaide at Marvel on Saturday afternoon, the sequel to the episode of Zak Butters versus Umpire Foot that dominated the end of Gather Round, so we can't wait for the inevitable Tribunal Tuesday thread

• GWS play Geelong at Engie Stadium, as the Giants come off randomly belting the crap out of a premiership contender for at least the 3rd time this year (4 if you count the Melbourne win), and having lost 4 out of their last 5 the Cats once again have to play the one team that have consistently given them the shits this decade, and if this game was in Geelong we'd pencil in the 4 points... for GWS.

• Carlton host Hawthorn at the MCG on Saturday night, as the Blues go for 8 in a row and have a winning record for the first time this year, and Hawthorn try and improve by only being 95 points down in the 3rd Quarter instead of 96

• Adelaide host the Gold Coast Suns at the Adelaide Oval in the other Saturday night game, as it appears all favours are in the Crom's camp as the Suns have now lost 6 in a row and have never defeated the Crows in Adelaide... if it were GWS that'd be the kind of signs that point towards a totally random win.

• The Western Bulldogs host West Coast at Marvel on Sunday afternoon, and this was a game the 2025 Bulldogs would be pencilled in to win by at least 13 goals... the 2026 Bulldogs would do well to kick 13 goals in a game.

• The traditional MCG tenants get the Channel 7 Sunday game as Melbourne host Richmond, and there is a major sentimental milestone for the Demons as Max Gawn equals Jim Stynes on 264 games in red and blue... the two greatest Number 11s in Melbourne's history, and of course it was Stynes who gave Max his guernsey for his debut in 2011 (Which was No.37 at the time), and Max later switched to No.11 in 2015, and his path to greatness well and truly took off.

• And lucky last, the Brisbane Lions host Essendon at the Gabba in the Sunday twilight slot, and hopefully the Bombers can use Kevin Sheedy to keep the players from leaving early, because this could get rather ugly.

MILESTONES

Sunday marks the 200th game between Melbourne and Richmond (Richmond lead H2H 108-2-89)

Alastair Clarkson's 600th game as a player & coach (134 games played, 466th as coach) - He'd be the only current coach with at least 600 games as a player/coach, with Chris Scott currently on 591.

The all-time record is Kevin Sheedy on 929 (251 played, 678 coached)

AFL Life Membership for Jeremy Howe and Jake Lloyd (300 total games)

200 games for Hill Wayward, aka Will Hayward

Elliot Yeo's 200th game for West Coast

150 games for Sam Walsh

Darcy Wilmot's 100th game , also his 100th consecutive game (Debuted in the 2022 Elimination Final)

100 games for Jake Soligo

Stuck on 99 games - Oscar McDonald , Tom Powell

Alright friends, that was Round 17, as Dry July begins with the Socceroos experience the joy of shitting their pants in a penalty shootout at a World Cup, the Lions keep clawing up into the Top 4 for the first time in a while, the Swans are back in the game after Freo kickstarted their attempt at Dry July by having their 14-game winning streak ended against GWS of all teams, the Crom didn't set the world on fire but got the points against the Eagles to sit just off the Lions in 5th...

Then there was whatever the hell happened in Tasmania, as Melbourne led Hawthorn by 16 goals in Launceston, then decided to catch an early flight as the Hawks kicked 12 consecutive goals in the 2nd Half, making them the first team in the 21st Century to lose a game after kicking 10 consecutive goals, 2026 Carlton are into the Top 10 as they became the first team to lose 7 consecutive games and win 7 consecutive games in the same season....

And congratulations to St Kilda, who, after 129 years in the VFL/AFL, HAVE FINALLY RECORDED 1000 LEAGUE WINS!

Fantastic, and it was great to see Kevin Sheedy asked all the Essendon fans to hang around and celebrate this momentous achievement.

Moving on because I've wasted enough time already:

• A Fitzroy guernsey wins in Geelong for the first time since 1986

• Charlie Curnow charged with bestiality after buggering the Bulldogs for the 2nd time in 2026

• Adelaide defeat West Coast in a game played on Friday night in Perth

• If you combine Melbourne's 1st Half with Hawthorn's 2nd Half you'd have the greatest team ever... I think we'll call them the Melbourne Hawks

• Fremantle's winning streak ends as Jake Stringer saves up his one good game in every 4 months for the ladder leaders

• Ben cops the Long arm of the Law as Brayden Maynard makes another donation to the Umpires' end of season trip, which has now gone from a weekend in Lorne to a fortnight in Japan

• I like how Carlton's least convincing wins under Josh Fraser are against the two worst teams in the league

• Kevin Sheedy charged with human rights abuses after asking Essendon fans to watch the 2nd Half

• Port Adelaide 73, Free Kicks 71, North Melbourne 52

LOL Of The Week

Well what a solid week of laughter that was, from Tony Popovic's selections at the World Cup, to Will Lewis getting fined for staging, the Crom fucking up a certain goal thanks to a botched handball to Toby Murray, Hawthorn for going 16 goals down in a place where they hadn't lost for 3 years, Essington for botching not just one but two kicks in their back half that led to St Kilda goals...

BUT THIS WEEK'S LOL, FOR DOING THE EXACT SAME CRAP HE DID IN ROUND ONE, GOES TO TOM LYNCH FOR ONCE AGAIN WINNING A GAME FOR CARLTON AGAINST RICHMOND OFF HIS OWN BOOT.

2 games against Carlton in 2026 for a total of 2 goals, 8 behinds, and 4 kicks out on the full.

If you do it once in a season it's bad enough, but know what happens when you do it twice?

You end up in the LOL of the Year Top 10!

Well folks July has arrived as we rumble on to Round 17, through our severe case of World Cup Fever, and obviously a new month brings change as the AFL decided to bring about the random re-appearance of a Friday night double header, and for some reason there's also two Saturday afternoon games starting before 2pm, the first time since Gather Round that's been the case, and once again we only have 2 games on a Sunday, and they still fucking clash with each other.

What an age we live in.

• Last year's Grand Finalists Geelong and the Brisbane Lions face off on a Thursday night at Kardinia Park, as the Cats come off the bye ready for Oisin Mullin to deliver another ball tearing on the Lions, and of course this is the sixth time the teams have played each other since March 2025, and as that post on Monday pointed out, this'll be the sixth time the Cats and Lions have played since the Lions last played West Coast (March 23rd 2025).

• The first leg of the Friday night double header has the Sydney Swans against the Western Bulldogs at the SCG, yet another chance for the Bulldogs to remind the Swans about that game 10 years ago in which the umpiring was absolutely fine, and Tom Boyd kicked a goal from inside the centre square.... fuck, I can't believe that!

• West Coast play Adelaide at Optus in the second Friday night game, destined to be buried deep in the depths of Fox Footy late on a Friday night in the build-up to the Socceroos playing Egypt... still, if it's anything like World Cup After Dark has been, then it might be watchable.

• The first Saturday afternoon game has Hawthorn playing Melbourne at the York Park construction site, as former Melbourne Storm player and racecaller Matt Hill prepares to make his debut for Hawthorn... amazing effort, the first man to play AFL football and call the Melbourne Cup, something that even Bill Collins can't claim.

Also a fun note - This is the first time Melbourne have played a home & away game in Launceston... the Dees actually played the first VFL game in Tasmania back in 1952 when they lost to Fitzroy in North Hobart, then didn't play in Tassie again until 2016.

• GWS play the rampaging Fremantle at Manuka Oval, the first game in Canberra since the ANZAC Day Round when North got dogged by a score review, and of course Freo are going for 15 consecutive wins, which is already a WA major sporting record, and they're also going for 8 consecutive wins as the away team, which would better the club record of 7 from 2014-15

• The Gold Coast host Collingwood at Carrara, and in an effort to save their sinking ship of a season the Suns have gone for a 'Red Out' by giving a red Suns Shaker to all reserved seat Members... good move, because if there's one thing the Suns have been since Easter, it's very fucking shaky.

• Richmond host Carlton at the MCG on Saturday night, and of course it will forever go down in history that the last team to lose to Michael Voss' Carlton team was Richmond in Round 1 of 2026... almost entirely because Tom Lynch turned into a Stormtrooper and won LOL of the Week.

• Essendon play St Kilda in the Channel 7 Sunday afternoon game, and unfortunately there will not be a World Cup knockout match on while this game is transpiring

• The suddenly revived Port Adelaide host North Melbourne at the Adelaide Oval in the Sunday twilight game to finish off the round, as North try to win 4 games in a row for the first time since the end of 2019 to the first 2 rounds of 2020, and of course that Adelaide Oval curse is now at 14 losses from 14 games, and their last win in South Australia was against Port in 2011, in which time they've lost approximately 20 consecutive games in SA.

MILESTONES

200 games for Oliver Florent , 184 of them with the Swans and 16th for Carlton

150 games for Nick Larkey and Ben Long

Nick Larkey had another milestone last week... it was the first time he'd ever kicked more than 4 behinds in a game.

Ed Langdon's 150th game for Melbourne

100 games for Sam de Koning , Ollie Henry , Bailey J. Williams

Stuck on 99 - Oscar McDonald and Tom Powell

Pat Lipinski's 100th game for Collingwood

50 games for Riley 'Colonel' Sanders , Harry Sharp , Caleb Windsor

St Kilda still require 1 more win to record 1,000 VFL/AFL wins

Alright friends on we go to Round 16, the last round of June, as we prepare for the least productive Friday morning in recent memory with the Socceroos and Paraguay, and we have the last of the bye rounds as three teams (Geelong, St Kilda, Western Bulldogs) have their second bye of 2026...

While Melbourne had to wait until now to have their first.

Remind us again, what exactly is the fucking point of Opening Round.

Anyway, some decent clashes this weekend, including the reappearance of the Showdown:

• A fortnight before State of Origin Game III, we have a Queensland team playing a New South Wales team in Brisbane, with the Lions and Swans getting the Thursday night slot, and this is the first time all season we've had 2 non-Victorian teams playing each other on a Thursday night... Also given the Swans dusted off the Lions quite easily in Round 1, a win tomorrow night would make it the first time the Swans have defeated the Lions twice in a season since 2011.

• Yet another Hokball Friday night as Hawthorn play GWS at the MCG, the first time the teams have played at the MCG since 2021, a game in which GWS were the home team due to a COVID outbreak in Sydney, and Tim O'Brien finally landed a Mark of the Year nomination... 14 years on, GWS have still never won an away game against the Hawks, but the Giants are such a weird team that they could win this easily or offer up absolutely nothing.

Also a nice note before this game - The head-to-head between the teams is dead level at 9 wins apiece with 1 draw.

• Carlton host West Coast at Marvel on Saturday afternoon, as Josh Fraser's Blues go for 6 wins in a row in what is seemingly their easiest fixture in months, and word is if Josh Fraser doesn't want to go for the Carlton job, then the British Government have offered him the Prime Ministership as they try and turn things around

• Ancient neighbours Collingwood and Richmond play at the MCG in a Saturday twilight game, a very random timeslot for a Collingwood-Richmond game according to history, and to that point it's only the second time ever that the teams have played a game that started at twilight, after the Round 17, 2021 game, which was on a Sunday.

• The 60th Showdown gets a standalone Saturday night slot as Port Adelaide get the home game against the Crom, and after the events of the first Showdown this season, and despite having next to nobody left on the park besides Zak Butters and Jason Horne-Francis, you can just see the Pear making this a contest and suffering a heartbreaking honourable loss in a Showdown.... again.

• Another winnable game for North Melbourne as they get the return game against Essendon at Marvel, and after breaking that decade-long losing streak against the Bombers in Round 3, the Roos are going for their first season sweep of the Bombers since 2015, which is the only season in the 21st Century in which the Roos have won 2 games in a season against the Bombers... Yes, it's been a rather bleak time for the Roos.

• And the lucky last game has Fremantle hosting the Gold Coast at Optus, a rematch of the epic Elimination Final last season, which still remains the last time Fremantle have lost at home as they go for 14 consecutive wins, and despite there being only 2 games on a Sunday and this game not finishing until 8pm Eastern, the AFL still managed to make both games overlap.

Bloody TV broadcasters.

MILESTONE COLD CRAZY

Stuck on 999 wins - St Kilda

Stuck on 199 games - Darcy Moore

Sam Collins' 150th game for the Gold Coast

Three players stuck on 99 games - Jye Caldwell , Oscar McDonald and Tom Powell

50 games for Ned Long , Luke Pedlar and Tylar Young

Jordon Sweet's 50th game for Port Adelaide

Stuck on 499 goals - Tom Lynch

Ben King requires 3 goals to reach 300 goals... he would be the third-most accurate player in league history with at least 300 career goals, behind Nick Larkey (73.57%), Tony Lockett (69.74%), with King currently level with Matthew Lloyd at 68.59%

So on we rumble to Round 15, a week in which we will see some of the greatest sporting clashes in Australian sport this year, be it State of Origin, the Fremantle-Geelong game tomorrow night...

And the epic clash which may result in an entire country ending up in the LOL of the Year field, the Socceroos vs the Seppos on Saturday morning, which will just about decide the fate of Group D.... Mike Grella, start learning Persian, buddy.

In the meantime, there's actually some top-notch AFL games this weekend, and by sheer coincidence it's Essendon's bye as well:

• One of the more anticipated games of the season as Stealth mode Fremantle host Geelong at Optus, the Cats being the only team to defeat the Dockers some 3 months ago after being 35 points down at Kardinia Park, but as the old saying goes the turn tables and the game is in Perth this time, where the threat of being Wharfed to death is immense.

• The struggling Gold Coast host Hawthorn at Carrara on Friday night, and while Damien Hardwick rages at his team slowly collapsing like a flan in a cupboard, I would note that the Hawks have not won north of Tweed Heads since 2016, and they haven't defeated the Suns in Queensland since 2014... It was randomly brought up on the Hawks website that the last time Hawthorn played on June 19th was 1999, which was also the day they came from 63 points down to defeat St Kilda, which stood as a league record comeback for all of 2 years.

• Another really good contest on paper as Adelaide host Melbourne at the Adelaide Oval on Saturday afternoon, as the Crom keep building themselves up by taking out would be finals contenders week after week, and unless they rename the Adelaide Oval to the Melbourne Cricket Ground, then the Dees are going to be living on struggle street in a few days time.

• GWS host Carlton at the Showground as we see the return of the almighty Josh Fraser Blues, as the Giants violent rollercoaster ride kept going last Sunday, and there's a major milestone on offer for Carlton as they could join Collingwood as the only clubs to win 1500 VFL/AFL games... this is also where I note that Collingwood got there just shy of 10 years ago (June 24, 2016), and they're now up to 1634 wins.

• The Magpies vs The REAL Magpies as Collingwood and Port Adelaide get the Saturday night at the MCG, and based on both teams' struggles in close games this season, the winner of this game will have to lose by under a goal.

• Richmond play North Melbourne on Sunday afternoon, as North and Richmond return to the state they used to play their home games, and once again we have 2 games on a Sunday afternoon that still manage to clash with each other's time slots..

• And finally, St Kilda are once again the Kings of the 3:20pm timeslot as they host the Western Bulldogs at Marvel, and this is also another potential victory milestone game, as St Kilda are one win away from finally making it to 1,000 VFL/AFL wins after at least 129 years of trying... they are the only current foundation club that is yet to get there, even Richmond and Hawthorn got there before the Saints, and I'll once again bring up the Collingwood comparison, because Collingwood got to 1,000 wins in Round 5...

Of 1977.

Yes, that's how historically bad St Kilda have been.

BYES FOR: Brisbane, Essendon, Sydney, West Coast

Sheriff John Milestone, why don’t you leave me alone, I feel so broke up, I want to go home

Chris Scott and Mark Blicavs take the outright lead for the most games by a player/coach combination in their 307th game

200 games for Jake Lever and Darcy Moore whenever he plays again

150 games for Alex Pearce

100th game for Oscar McDonald , Tom Powell is stuck on 99

Jesse Hogan's 100th game for GWS, Dougal Howard stuck on 99 for St Kilda

50 game brigade - Lawson Humphries , Shaun Mannagh , Luke Pedlar , Disco Turner and George Wardlaw

Lachie Schultz' 50th game for Collingwood ... he sees nothing, he knows nothing

Tanner Bruhn's 50th game for Geelong

On to Round 14 we go, the FIFA World Cup is about to become the greatest sporting shitshow since the 2021 Belgian Grand Prix, and it appears the current financial climate has hit the AFL hard as they've had to downsize from 8 games to 7 this week...

In fact, here's another random thought about those byes, to further highlight the stupidity of Opening Round - Collingwood, Carlton, GWS, the Gold Coast and Hawthorn all had 2 byes before Essendon, West Coast and Melbourne had one.

Now, moving on to this week's line-up, as Fremantle will go a Round without winning for the first time since Round 1:

• A high stakes game for the Top 6 as the Western Bulldogs face Adelaide at Marvel Stadium on Thursday night, a rematch of the ripper in Round 2 at the Adelaide Oval, and randomly enough it's only the second time in the last decade that the Bulldogs and Crows have played at Docklands (After last year's game), and the last time they played a weekday game at Docklands was a Friday night in Round 13, 2011

• In the week that Gary Ablett Jnr was inducted into the Hall of Fame, Geelong and the Gold Coast play on a Friday night at GMHBA, a ground that has proven to be one of many Mordors for the Suns as their current record is 9 defeats from 9 attempts, including one game against Essendon in 2021... it's only slightly worse than their record at Engie Stadium (0-8) and far better than their record at the Adelaide Oval (0-13)

Also a major milestone in this game Chris Scott and Mark Blicavs equal Jock McHale and Gordon Coventry for the most games by a player/coach combination (306 games)... Coventry's last game was in 1937

• Melbourne host Essendon at the MCG on Saturday, appropriately a few days after Neale Daniher's state funeral, and of course the Dees are thus far the only team to be defeated by Essington in 2026 going back to Gather Round as the Bombers are now 3-0 against Melbourne in Adelaide... unfortunately for the away team, the Demons have turned into the Darwin Suns at the MCG under Steven King.

• A week after the Bunbury Wharfing from Freo, North Melbourne get their second WA home game against West Coast at Optus Stadium, and I would say that games against West Coast are pretty much the only games North have consistently won in recent years.... then again, the Roos were 5 goals up on the Eagles in Round 2, and proceeded to get run over and lose to a team that had lost 14 consecutive games.

• Port Adelaide host Sydney at the Adelaide Oval on Saturday night, as Port have to solider on without captain Connor Rozee for the rest of the season, while this week we see Charlie Curnow against a Bottom 4 team... start rubbing the rosary beads, Port.

• Richmond host the Brisbane Lions in Harris Andrews' 250th game, and the first AFL game in Hobart since North decided that Bellerive wasn't quite the almighty fortress that York Park is, and my random fact is that Richmond have played 4 times in Tasmania in their history... they've lost and conceded 100+ points in all of them.

Another possible comeback for Brisbane this week - Eric Hipwood, having been stuck on 199 games since he suffered a partially torn ACL at the end of last season.

• And the lucky last game of the round has St Kilda hosting GWS at Marvel Stadium, and after getting absolutely heartbroken by a Sydney team last Sunday, St Kilda will this week try and avoid being absolutely heartbroken against a Sydney team on Sunday.

Byes for: Collingwood, Carlton, Fremantle and Hawthorn

AND THE WAITRESS IS PRACTICING POLITICS, AS THE BUSINESSMEN SLOWLY GET MILESTONED

250th game for Harris Andrews (11th player across the Brisbane Bears & Lions to play 250+ games - Marcus Ashcroft, Simon Black, Jonathan Brown, Shaun Hart, Nigel Lappin, Daniel Rich, Michael Voss, Darryl White, Dayne Zorko & Luke Power)

200th game in a comeback game - Eric Hipwood

Tom Lynch requires 1 goal to reach 500 AFL goals

150 games for John Noble (112 for Collingwood, 37 for Gold Coast) and Mason Redman

100 games whenever they play again - Jye Caldwell and Tom Powell

Stuck on 99 games for St Kilda - Dougal Howard

Andrew McQualter's 50th game as a coach

50th game for Smokin' Joel Freijah

Alastair Clarkson goes into outright 8th for all-time games coached (462nd game, most games of any coach that hasn't coached 500 games)

Alright friends, after another top notch edition of the Big Freeze at the G on the King's Birthday (Aside from that pretty awful moment for Brody Mihocek) we mark the end of Round 13, and I'm pleased to note that our cross-code Fight MND fundraiser with /r/NRL wound up passing the $8,000 milestone just before the game began today - Fantastic everyone and it's great to see /r/AFL and /r/NRL once again combine for some good, just as we do every summer to shitpost in /r/cricket match threads.

Of course, it was one of the closest rounds all year as we saw 5 games out of 8 decided by under a goal, including 2 games with the same score (77-71), the Pies-Dees game was another decided by single digits, while the Pineapple Grapple was a derp-fest from the Suns...

And then there was whatever the fuck that massacre in Bunbury was - Well, for one it was definitely Fremantle's biggest winning margin in their history, as North conceded 19 consecutive goals to end the game.

Also, it does seem like an awful coincidence, but Melbourne have now had 3 players suffer serious injuries against Collingwood in the last 4 years - The Brayshaw career ending concussion in 2023, Petracca's near death injury in 2024, and now Mihocek's neck injury.

Once again, just an awful coincidence.

Anyway, looking on to what happened since Thursday:

• Crom of Heart Attack defeats Cat of Heart Attack in yet another close game in Adelaide

• Dogs walk the walk because they've got 4 legs while a Hawk can't walk the walk because they're a fucking bird

• Fremantle wharf all over Norf to win their 12th game in a row in Bunbury

• Logan Morris dominates the Pineapple Grapple as Brisbane end a month of injuries with no injuries

• Port actually win a close game as West Coast lose the will to live without Ginbey

• Sydney come from the clouds as St Kilda lose in one the most St Kilda ways imaginable to lose a game

• According to Fox Footy the Essendon-Carlton has had 44 seconds remaining for the last 20 hours

• Despite Kozi Pickett's best efforts at goal in the final minutes, he did eventually seal the game for the Demons in a game that was a fantastic tribute to Neale Daniher

LOL of the Week

Some good nominees this week, North's second half was comically bad, the Suns were comically bad, the Fox Footy countdown clock failed again, Kozi Pickett's snap with 4 minutes left that didn't even score that would've put Melbourne 8 points up, then doing it again a few minutes later, before he took himself out of contention by actually kicking the sealer...

But it pains me to do this because I love him as a player, but it's the LOL of the Week in a knockout - NICK WATSON, WHO WAS INTERVIEWED BY FOX FOOTY AFTER HE'D KICKED 3 GOALS IN THE 1ST HALF AND THE HAWKS WERE 27 POINTS UP, STATING THIS REGARDING MICHAEL SELLWOOD:

"I don't care if Sellwood talks, as long as he walks the walk, I'd love to see it in the 2nd Half”

ONLY FOR SELLWOOD TO WALK THE WALK AND HOLD WATSON TO 2 DISPOSALS AFTER HALF-TIME, AS THE BULLDOGS CAME BACK AND WON THE GAME.

Basically it was the reverse of the Toby Greene-Tom Papley moment from last year, and it was a toss-up for a Hawthorn MULTI-LOL with the Wizard and James Sicily clapping a Bulldogs goal, but ultimately the Wizard interview was good enough on its own.

He'll probably get in the All-Australian team, and he's gonna get in the LOL of the Year field as well.

CARLTON OF THE WEEK

For absolutely no reason whatsoever, once again, it's Michael Voss.