u/kaylit1358

To love you is easy, forgiving is harder.

Over and over. I try to let it go.

Letting go sounds easier than it feels.

Only i know how much it still hurts

Vulnerabiltiy is giving you another chance to hold my heart.

Even forgiveness cant erase what happened.

I'll always love you even when it hurts me the most.

Saying "i forgive you" does not mean ive forgotten.

They say love means forgiveness.

Only if it was that easy.

For every step forward, part of me still looks back.

Only time will tell if trust can grow back.

Right now im learning that forgiveness takes time.

God how i wish this process was quicker.

I love you too much to let go.

Vulnerability is the price i pay for loving you.

Even if forgiveness takes time, im still trying.

I want to forgive you.

But every time i try, i remember.

I remember the pain.

I remember the anger.

I remember the sadness.

I remember the disbelief.

How am i supposed to forgive something i still feel?

What if forgiveness doesnt make the hurt dissapear?

Can i forgive you and still feel angry?

Does forgiving you mean pretending nothing happened?

But how do i forgive you without letting you off the hook?

I used to think love was enough.

Now im not too sure.

Maybe im wrong.

I hope im wrong.

If love is enough, then why do i still feel like somethings missing?

Maybe love needs trust.

Maybe love needs honesty.

Maybe love needs more than words.

Maybe loving someone and knowing how to love them are two different things.

Maybe love can exist, but still not be enough.

Maybe ive been asking love to fix things it can't.

Maybe love was never supposed to carry these burdens on its own.

Maybe love is the foundation. But it cant stand on its own.

It needs trust.

It needs honesty.

It needs loyalty.

It needs effort.

It needs care.

Without these, love falls apart.

Because love isnt enough.

Now love needs rebuilding, but it cant do it on its own.

I cant do it on my own.

Im tired, but this is something sleep cant fix.

Im tired of forgiving.

Im tired of overthinking.

Im tired of trying to trust again.

Im tired of pretending im okay. When we both know im not.

Im tired of wondering if you mean what you say.

Im tired of repeating this conversation over and over again.

Im tired of loving so hard but still feeling so unsure.

I dont want to ever stop loving you but i dont know how much more my heart can endure.

Im tired of needing to recover from the person i love.

Love shouldnt feel like a dagger in my back.

Im tired of being hurt and then running to you for comfort.

Youre the one i want when im hurting, but youre the reason im in pain.

Every time i think were healing you plunge the knife even deeper.

Im tired of mistaking a pause in the pain for healing.

I want to stop waiting for the next mistake.

I want to breathe and rest instead of wondering when youll hurt me again.

I want to enjoy the good days instead of worrying when the next bad one will be.

Is it tomorrow?

Is it next week?

Will i even see it coming?

I hate that happiness now feels temporary.

I just want to be tired from living, not from loving you.

Please let me rest.

Im so tired.

I dont know where i am anymore.

I used to know where i stood.

I thought it was home.

Maybe i misunderstood.

Or was i decieved?

How can somewhere so familiar feel so strange?

The walls look the same but i know theyve changed.

I know every room but none of them feel like mine.

I know every door but none of them lead to you.

I call your name but only echo comes back to me.

Maybe you can hear me but you dont know what im saying.

How can you hear my voice but miss every word?

Maybe im waiting for directions you dont know how to give.

I cant find you on my own.

Maybe we're both lost, just in different places.

What if we keep walking in opposite directions?

What if our paths dont cross again?

I dont want to lose you even more.

So i keep searching for you.

Keep looking.

Through every door.

In every room.

Hoping i will find you again.

And not feel so lost anymore.

Its times like this i hate how much i love you. I hate how even when you hurt me i still yearn for you. How do you still break my heart so carelessly when you know i wear it proudly on my sleeve.

I wish you loved me as much as i love you.

You say you do.

But who knows if thats even true.

I want to believe you. You sound so honest and so true. But thats what i thought last time too.

So how am i supposed to believe you now? Should i be naive, like Eve and eat the fruit you offer?

Im scared to trust the sweetness of your words when ive learnt how bitter they can become.

What if i believe every promise just to end up here again.

In my bed

Alone.

Writing a poem about how i hate how much i love you.

Unlike you my heart is full.

Full of love for you.

You promised to cherish it and keep it safe and full.

Instead you broke it, battered and shattered it.

Again and again.

I dont know how many more times i can piece it back together again.

You knew how much this would hurt me, but instead you hoped and prayed id never find out, never know.

But

I always know.

I always find out.

You know that too.

I know you do.

You get to apologise, while i have to pick myself back up after the choices you made.

Do you know what your choices have done to me?

You say you do but how do i know thats true?

Ive never cheated.

Never lied to ur face.

Ive been open and honest. Treated you how i wanted to be treated.

But clearly that had no effect.

Because you still cheated.

You still lied to my face.

I hate the person i become when i begin to doubt you again, im mean, im jealous.

Im a monster.

But you and i both know that monster wasnt born like that.

It was made.

And we both know by whom.

I miss the girl who loved you without fear.

I dont want to keep guarding my sleeve.

I want to love you freely again.

Walking at night. Alone.

Checking over my shoulder to see if im being followed or watched.

I dont feel secure.

Thats how i feel now. Insecure and scared.

I want to feel happy and bubbly like the girl i used to be.

I couldnt piece me back together the same as i was before.

Some peices were lost.

Some were smashed.

I rebuilt myself for us, but i had to use things i never wanted to become.

I dont need another apology, more promises or empty words.

I need you to love me.

Just as much as i love you.

Then i can be me again and the monster can die.

Maybe then i wont hate how much i love you anymore.

Its times like this i hate how much i love you. I hate how even when you hurt me i still yearn for you. How do you still break my heart so carelessly when you know i wear it proudly on my sleeve.

I wish you loved me as much as i love you.

You say you do.

But who knows if thats even true.

I want to believe you. You sound so honest and so true. But thats what i thought last time too.

So how am i supposed to believe you now? Should i be naive, like Eve and eat the fruit you offer?

Im scared to trust the sweetness of your words when ive learnt how bitter they can become.

What if i believe every promise just to end up here again.

In my bed

Alone.

Writing a poem about how i hate how much i love you.

Unlike you my heart is full.

Full of love for you.

You promised to cherish it and keep it safe and full.

Instead you broke it, battered and shattered it.

Again and again.

I dont know how many more times i can piece it back together again.

You knew how much this would hurt me, but instead you hoped and prayed id never find out, never know.

But

I always know.

I always find out.

You know that too.

I know you do.

You get to apologise, while i have to pick myself back up after the choices you made.

Do you know what your choices have done to me?

You say you do but how do i know thats true?

Ive never cheated.

Never lied to ur face.

Ive been open and honest. Treated you how i wanted to be treated.

But clearly that had no effect.

Because you still cheated.

You still lied to my face.

I hate the person i become when i begin to doubt you again, im mean, im jealous.

Im a monster.

But you and i both know that monster wasnt born like that.

It was made.

And we both know by whom.

I miss the girl who loved you without fear.

I dont want to keep guarding my sleeve.

I want to love you freely again.

Walking at night. Alone.

Checking over my shoulder to see if im being followed or watched.

I dont feel secure.

Thats how i feel now. Insecure and scared.

I want to feel happy and bubbly like the girl i used to be.

I couldnt piece me back together the same as i was before.

Some peices were lost.

Some were smashed.

I rebuilt myself for us, but i had to use things i never wanted to become.

I dont need another apology, more promises or empty words.

I need you to love me.

Just as much as i love you.

Then i can be me again and the monster can die.

Maybe then i wont hate how much i love you anymore.

Hey i know there must be loads of posts like this but im making my own so i get notifs to responses, so please please please respond.

This month ive been overall feeling okay abput my test but the closer it gets the more nervous i feel even though i know im more than capable of passing. So i just want as much advice as possible to hopefully help settle some of my nerves.

I passed my theory first time back in january and now i have my first and hopefully only ( im manifesting hard) practical test in 3 weeks time and i want to know what everyones best tips/advice is wether its advice to prep before the test or advice for during the test. All ans anything will be helpful and greatly appreciated.

Thank youu ❤️

Hey ive finally been able to book my test in but its not until september and just wanted to know what was the best ways of trying to get it moved forward?

My instructor says im almost test ready now and ive been learning for a few months and i also believe im almost test ready but due to unavailability in my area i couldnt book a test till september. And as its my first time booking it i dont know what the best ways to look for closer dates might be. Any help would be appreciated!