u/kleggat

Hello all,
 
Per the feedback I got last time, I’ve written a brand-new chapter 1 to ensure my inciting incident chapters doesn’t feel “rushed” or “unearned.” I’d appreciate any feedback that could be provided.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/14P1M_WzBBnZXfjeUg3EWAalzh1Si7xJc/edit?usp=drivesdk&ouid=100836483631520518154&rtpof=true&sd=true

 
Genre: New Adult, Dark Fantasy
 
Goals for this draft:  

1. Provide the reader with the minimum necessary world-building/backstory elements and protagonist interiority so that the reader better understands the stakes.
2. Dial-back uninteresting/unnecessary world-building lines
3. Increase character interiority
4. Improve dialogue lines
5. Make prism intro less “matter of fact”

 
My crit for mods: 

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/IHo9p14dUR

P.S. posting this from my phone—sorry for any wonkiness. :)

Hello! This is my 3rd time rewriting Chapter 1 of a fantasy novel that I've *mostly* written in full. The first few chapters needed a serious overhaul though, and that's what I'm working on here. I'd appreciate any feedback you can provide. Thanks!

[1312] Discordant CH 1

• Genre: Dark Fantasy
• Chapter 1 (word count 1,312)
• Trigger warnings: some blood/gore

For mods:

[1916]

[1769]