u/ktangreen

Hey guys, I need an outside perspective on this huge situation.

Okay, let’s dive in. Back in November 2019 my marriage fell apart. While we continued to live together for our severely autistic child. But he ended up moving out in January of 2020 and went to live with his mom. We were still decent friends and had agreed that we were going to handle the divorce without lawyers. He went behind my back in January 2020 and hired a lawyer with his daddy’s money. At least they still agreed to everything my ex and I had talked about.

I had lost my job in December 2019 due to a mental breakdown and didn’t find a new one until June of 2020. My ex was willing to continue to pay for the house as my son spent more time up with me as his school was in my district.

Anyway, my ex then jumped into a new marriage in April of 2020 with a woman I had met once over video call. I was ok with this because I figure he had found some happiness.

This is where the trouble really started. I called down to his mother’s house to verify that I was still good to come pick my son up for the school week. My ex immediately started yelling at me and blaming me for hitting our son and that he had contacted a lawyer and CPS. I started panicking because I have never once hurt my child. At this time he was 12 but had the mentality of a 4-5 year old. Thankfully CPS came out to my house that day to do a home visit and within 12 hours that claim was closed and I was told to go get my son. I drove like a bat out of hell to my MIL’s house and knocked on the door. My ex came to the door and said that he didn’t agree with the CPS worker or the interview that the worker gave our son. I said I didn’t care and I was taking him home with me. This was the point my MIL stated to side with me.

As I drove home that night my son was very subdued and quiet. I saw strange marks and bruises on him after bath time that night. He kept saying he was so sorry but he had nothing to be sorry for.

The next day, I called my ex up and I asked him what actually happened to our son. My ex fessed up that his new mother in law had hit our son and since she and her daughter have domestic violence charges against children on their record already it would be better if they blame me. I wish, to this day, that I had recorded that conversation. It was at this point I told him that he and I would only be communicating through text message or email from now on. He got extremely angry with me and hung up.

I was married to this man for 13 years and the last 7 of them had been pure hell. Emotional, Mental and Sexual abuse, it almost got to the point of physical abuse which is why I finally left. I was trying to stay fit my son.

The entire time this is going on, I am job hunting in the middle of Covid. Then at the end of June 2020 I got my current job and I was ecstatic. I texted my ex and told him that in 2 weeks I will be making my first payment on the house and how grateful I was that he had continued to pay on the house so our child’s life wouldn’t be upended. It was during this text exchange that he told me to clear out as he would be taking the house from me.

I was so naive back then. I did end up moving down to my dad’s house to live in his basement. If I had read my divorce papers more thoroughly it would’ve stated that I had an entire year to start making payments on the house. Hindsight’s 20/20.

So, after my first day of work I loaded up my car with 4 different carloads and drove them down to my dad’s place. I spent the night unpacking my son’s room, not even caring to set up mine. I was in tears most of the night but had to get up early for work the next day. I slept in my son’s room as he was up with his dad.

After my first week of work my ex came down to my dad’s house to drop my son off and told him that we needed to talk. With my dad as mediator we were able to verbally change our custody agreement as I’m now 45 minutes away from his school my ex would now need to have him every weekday. I told him I would take him Friday-Sunday every week. He agreed to this.

This was working just fine for us. But then my schedule at work changed and I went to night shifts. I told him custody would remain the same. He started to push back against me saying that since they started going back to church they would need him dropped off at 7 am on Sundays. I then snapped and told him no. Even my dad, who’s deeply religious told my ex that just because he started going back to church doesn’t mean it can take my parent time away.

My ex backed off for about 2 weeks. I had texted my ex that I was planning on taking our son to an amusement park for his 13th birthday in October. He instantly got angry with me and told me he now wants our son every other weekend. I told him that was not going to happen because then I would only see my son 6 days a month. Again he was angry but he dropped it.

On one of my son’s visits with me I bought him a cheap IPhone and put him on my plan and downloaded Pokemon Go for him, as it was one of our favorite things to do together. He called his dad from the phone and told him what I had done for him. That night I got an angry text saying I should’ve cleared it with him first. I didn’t respond because I could just sense something was going on.

Well, my plans to take my son to the amusement park were squandered by a big rain storm so we went and picked out his Halloween costume and did family pictures with just him and me. This was still about a week before his actual birthday.

Since his birthday was on a weekday, I arranged with my ex for me to come up and pick him up and take him to get drinks and food. He and I spent 2 hours eating fast food, drinking dirty sodas and dancing to my random playlist. I drove him home that night unaware that it would be the last time I would ever be able to see him and hold him.

The next day there was a loud knock on my dad’s door and he went to answer it. He called me up from the basement and I was met with a cop holding papers. I started to panic. I didn’t know what was going on. The cop had me sign for them and then he left.

My dad and I sat at the dining room table and started reading the paperwork. My jaw dropped and I started crying. My ex was accusing me of (sexually) abusing my son. I was so angry and sad. I ended up in the bathroom throwing up.

My first court date was terrifying, and since this was during covid it was all over the web chat instead. I was assigned a public defender and was told that I needed to go to the jail to get my fingerprints done and cheeks swabbed.

I followed all the directions to a tee and left promptly after it was done. When I talked to a few coworkers about my case they were all in shock that I wasn’t being held in a jail cell until my case was over, given the charges.

I went to court date after court date, for 3 years. I was so drained. I lost the one and only child I can ever have as I had a hysterectomy at the age of 25. It was in the third year of fighting the court system that I was just done. I scrapped together enough money for a defense attorney, not just a public defender.

I went to court with this new attorney 3 times. The first time was to switch attorneys, the second time was her asking to see all of the states evidence and the last time was the state dropping the charges as there was no evidence that could be produced.

Mind you, I had a civil case running parallel to the criminal case and I was told to wait until the criminal case was resolved as the civil case would go the same way the criminal case went. In a way it did, but the judge I had in the civil case worded the verdict strangely so it gave my ex and a therapist way more power than should’ve been given.

I was given all of my parental rights back and I started to reach out, and not in a mean way. I sent every email to my dad so he could proofread them before I sent them.

I continued to be denied my rights. I then demanded the name of my son’s therapist so I could reach out to see if we could work towards reunification. This man emailed me back and flat out said he’s not being biased by he doesn’t know me so he doesn’t think he can help me. Isn’t that what being biased is?

I continued to reach out to my ex at least once every 3 months asking to get back in my son’s life. He would constantly threaten me with cops.

Thankfully, my son’s principal was amazing and would send me updates from his teachers and things like that. She also made sure I knew the day of my son’s graduation and where his class would be sitting.

So, in May of 2026 I drove to my son’s graduation. I sat pretty close to the stage and in my son’s line of sight. I took so many pictures and I watched him walk and get his diploma. As a parent of a special needs child it made my heart over flow but it also made me sob uncontrollably on the drive home. I left pretty much right after he sat back down in his seat and he had stopped crying himself. Before I snuck out I threw up a couple I love you in sign language.

That was the first time I had seen him in 6 years, now my ex is telling the court system that my son is no longer competent to make decisions after the past 6 years he’s been competent.

My step mother was able to talk to my son in June and she told me how brainwashed he is. It breaks her heart.

So, AITA

Thanks for letting me rant.

EDIT: I got married to my ex at 19 and had my son at 20. My ex came from an extremely abusive household by his father and his mother finally divorced his dad when he sexually assaulted my SIL.

We are now 39(F) and 41(M). The only thing I really know is being a mom.

My former MIL and that entire side of the family has disowned my ex and has spoken out against what he has done to me. They all state “Anyone who knows me, knows I would never do anything to hurt my child.” I have always put my son first in everything. I’m still invited to family gatherings on that side of the family and they constantly apologize for what he has done. They call him evil. I’m grateful for their support.

My dad is the one who keeps telling me to let my anger go and move on. He’s wealthy enough that he could’ve got me a lawyer to fight my ex but he hasn’t done anything like that for me. He’s embarrassed to have an autistic child for a grandson. Especially a mostly non verbal one. He and I have a strained relationship. I wish my mother was still alive, she was amazing with my son and could keep my dad in check.