u/laraisarusa

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I’m curious how other neurodivergent people experience sensory issues because I’m starting to realize how much of what I once thought was just “my personality” may actually be sensory regulation.

For me, unwanted sounds can make me disproportionately irritated or overwhelmed in a way that feels almost physical. Certain fabrics or textures can be an immediate no. Some environments drain me faster than others even if I can’t immediately explain why. Bright lighting, too much noise, heat, multiple conversations happening at once, or even just the wrong kind of background stimulation can make my brain feel like it’s short-circuiting.

On the flip side, sometimes I actively need stimulation like with certain sounds, movement, comfort textures, specific shows/music, fidgeting, pacing, even controlled background noise.

It’s such a weird contradiction sometimes. But then again I might be the only one

I’m curious what sensory issues or sensory-seeking patterns look like for other neurodivergent people because I feel like it can show up so differently person to person.

For a long time i thought healing meant becoming a completely different person that was more consistently productive and less emotionally sensitive or “difficult.”

But then I realized that a huge part of my audhd journey has actually been realizing how much of my personality was built around survival, masking, and trying to become easier for other people to handle.

I realized then that I had spent years forcing myself into environments and expectations that constantly overwhelmed my nervous system, then blaming myself for struggling inside them. I feel like when someone grows up feeling “too much” and “not enough” at the same time, they tend to become very good at performing functionality while quietly falling apart underneath it.

Trauma then complicated that even more because survival mode can start feeling like identity after long enough. Hyper vigilance then starts feeling like responsibility. People pleasing starts feeling like kindness. Emotional shutdown starts feeling like maturity.

As time passes, I’m starting to slowly learn that healing is less about fixing the person I am and rather start creating a life where I no longer have to abandon myself just to survive it.

Don’t get me wrong. Some days that process feels freeing. But there are also days that feel like grieving versions of myself i built to stay safe.

But through this journey of life, I realized that meeting oneself underneath all the masking is still worth it, no matter the pacing.

I think one of the hardest parts about being neurodivergent is growing up believing you’re lazy, dramatic, inconsistent, or “too sensitive,” when in reality your brain was just trying to survive environments it was never designed for.

Some days I can deeply focus for hours and create beautiful things. Other days answering a single message feels impossible.

The confusing part is people usually only judge you by your “high-functioning” moments. They don’t see the energy crashes, sensory overload, emotional regulation exhaustion, or how much masking it takes just to appear normal.

I’m slowly learning that healing isn’t forcing myself to function like everyone else. It’s building a life that works with my brain instead of constantly fighting it.

Has anyone else here struggled with separating their actual personality from years of masking and survival mode?