u/leenarey

2am, and i'm again giving Fleabag full authority to translate my thoughts.

I always thought i was Fleabag, always associated myself with her. I relate to her in many aspects, and i don't know if i should like that i can see myself in her, or be upset that i am seeing myself in her!

This scene was different though. I relate to Fleabag criticising celibacy, saying she can't imagine a life with it. I also relate to The Priest saying celibacy is a lot less complicated than romantic relationships. I fully see and understand both POVs, both sides exist in me.

- What if you meet someone you like?

- I talk and drink and laugh and give them Bibles and hope they'll eventually leave me alone.

- What if you meet someone you love?

- ......''It'll pass.''

(This pic is from a post i saw on Instagram. It was an edit where the answer to "What if you meet someone you love?" is "It'll pass.")

This whole scene felt like seeing myself talking to myself. Asking and answering, approving and disapproving.

Well, i talked shit about The Priest before, about the "kneel" scene. But that's exactly what i would do and what i would ask for if i felt such a connection with a person and especially when i'm feeling down. It's not necessarily about engaging in sexual activities, but rather about being impulsive, doing things i've never done before. I would also always be constrained, and there would always be a part of me reminding me of it, just like him.

I've always been The Priest at some point. And Fleabag. And Claire. And Boo. And Bus Rodent.

Although, at the end, i will always “..want someone to tell me what to wear in the morning. No, I want someone to tell me what to wear every morning. I want someone to tell me what to eat. What to like. What to hate. What to rage about. What to listen to. What band to like. What to buy tickets for. What to joke about. What not to joke about. I want someone to tell me what to believe in. Who to vote for and who to love and how to…tell them. I just think I want someone to tell me how to live my life, Father, because so far, I think I’ve been getting it wrong. And I know that’s why people want someone like you in their lives, because you just tell them how to do it. You just tell them what to do and what they’ll get out of the end of it, even though I don’t believe your bullshit and I know that scientifically nothing that I do makes any difference in the end, anyway, I’m still scared. Why am I still scared? So just tell me what to do. Just fucking tell me what to do, Father.”

It is 2am where I live, seasonal flu is f-ing up my whole existence, and I'm bored. So, I decided to write an appreciation post about Bus Rodent, since no one has really talked about him much. I can tell why, but whatever.

Leave his looks aside. His character was meant to look unpleasant to Fleabag anyway.

Bus Rodent is one of the characters that I really felt bad for. He is a nice, awkward, and socially clueless person. He'll take anything you tell him by literal meaning. He can be a bit pathetic, not really an interesting person, and very insecure. That's what makes him funny, his cluelessness.

Despite all of that, he was genuinely interested in Fleabag. He stayed persistent towards her, even though she showed him mixed signals, and was clearly not into him. He was overall very nice to her.

I really feel bad for him, it's taking over my soul. I hope anyone who is a Bus Rodent in real life finds happiness, and a person who truly loves them for who they are.