It’s my birthday…..never felt so alone
Just feeling very sorry for myself. Today was my birthday and I spent the majority of it alone. And I’ve just over thought myself into a major spiral of what is the point of any of this??
I am eternally single but tbh at this stage I’m not sure I crave a relationship. I do crave connection though and I try to get this through friendships, which I think just puts too much pressure on them cos you will never be anyone’s priority as just a friend.
Called in with the person I would see as my best friend this afternoon. I would honestly do anything for them. They’ve had a v difficult year with family stuff but I have gone out of my way to help….i have been available day and night to help out and always at the end of the phone to listen at all hours.
They told me they didn’t have a card as they had thought my birthday was actually tomorrow until they realised this morning it was today. They had a family funeral this morning (and I get that, it’s been upsetting but honestly not a v close relation)…..but they didn’t even stop at the corner shop and pick me up a random card??
And I just smiled and said it was fine, but inside I was crushed. I have already bought their card for their birthday next month, present ordered and I would never ever forget it. They really like cards, they always talk about how they mean a lot to them so I always make an effort to get a nice one with a meaningful verse.
But me, nope I don’t get that. And I want to say how would you feel if your partner forgot your birthday/didn’t get you a card, but I can’t cos I’m not a partner, so I just try to keep going but I’m so lonely and feel like I am never on anyone’s priority list.
Anyway, I felt like shit for being on a downer with them so ended up apologising for being hard work, which I guess I am……I’m learning you really should not expect anything from anyone it just leads to disappointment, but fuck me it’s lonely.