u/leogrl

My issues started about 4 years ago. I noticed I was tripping and falling frequently while trail running, I had always fallen occasionally, like a few times per year when running, even on roads, but that was always from catching my toe on something. Now it just seemed like I was falling for no reason.

I went to a neurologist and they did a whole work up — MRI, EEG, blood test. All came back clean so they just kinda said nothing is wrong, even though clearly something is.

I still fall a lot while trail running (at least once a week but usually more often), but then I started having issues just walking in public places a couple of years ago. It just feels like my legs don’t work properly, especially when crossing streets or parking lots. I’m only able to walk semi-normally if I’m pushing a cart in a grocery store, or pulling a wheeled bag behind me like I do when I go to work. I can walk normally when I’m walking my dog too, but if I have nothing to hold onto, I feel like I have no stability. The weird thing is, I feel totally comfortable walking on dirt, grass or rocky surfaces even with other people around, but I can’t seem to walk on sidewalks, streets or even indoors unless it’s my apartment or my parents’ house.

I feel like a fraud though because all during this time, I’m still able to run on trails, albeit a lot slower and for shorter distances before I have to hike than I used to a few years ago. I even did 31 miles of hiking/some running last week during an ultra race, though I did use poles for most of it for stability on the rocky terrain. But like, why do I feel ok running and hiking on trails for 30+ miles at a time but can barely walk on concrete or asphalt for short distances without feeling like I’m gonna fall?

I’m in the process of trying to get diagnosed because this really feels like FND but I don’t know if a neuro is gonna take me seriously when I’m able to walk normally in some circumstances but not others. This just feels like it’s ruining my life because I have to avoid doing things like going out to eat with friends because I can’t walk from the car into the restaurant. I’m scared every day I have to cross the street at work. But at the same time, everyone sees me doing these trail runs/hikes and thinks I must be fine. I don’t even know if getting a diagnosis will help, but I’d like to know that there may be treatment options so I can hopefully get back to walking like I did before.

Also to note, a lot of my falling/balance issues seem to stem from being startled by sudden or loud noises. It’s frustrating because I feel like I can’t control my body’s response to hearing something unexpected, and its response often seems to be falling or at least stumbling. That’s why it feels hard for me to cross streets or parking lots because cars will often be honking or just being loud and it catches me off guard.

This isn’t my first DNF — I’ve been doing ultras since 2023 and have DNFd twice before out of 8 ultras.

The first one I missed a cutoff which I thought was likely as it was pretty tight and I didn’t feel bad because I got to see the whole course (it was an out and back) and several others also missed the cutoff.

My second DNF was at my first 100K attempt in January 2025. I trained hard, did a 50K six weeks out that felt pretty good, but the 100K was very rocky and my feet were trashed by the 60K point but I kept going until mile 52, where I dropped because the miles were agonizingly slow at that point and I was honestly worried about injuring my feet long term. I went through some ups and downs after that race but overall I felt proud of getting a distance PR and pushing through a lot of low moments.

I was so excited to attempt my first 100 miler this year! I signed up for Sedona Canyons 125 and felt confident I could finish since the cutoffs are very generous, I could just keep moving even though I knew I would slow down a lot in the later miles. Well, the day didn’t really go as planned and I ended up dropping at the 50K mark. My feet started hurting early on, like mile 10, which is weird because I didn’t have this issue in training at all with the same shoes and socks, even going up to 20 miles. Even in the 60K I did back in January, my feet hurt for only the last 10 or so miles so I was able to push through and finish.

And I would have kept going but once it got dark, it was getting harder to pick up my feet enough and I was going through a very rocky and steep section and ended up falling a couple times despite using poles, one time pretty hard onto my tailbone. I made it to the water-only aid station and knew the 9 miles to the next full aid station was gonna be pretty rocky and more climbing, and I was worried about hurting myself by falling more. So I made the tough call to end my race there.

I’m having a hard time coming to terms with it because I know I could have gone further. I was hoping to at least make it beyond 52 miles but I only made it to 50K. I hate thinking of it as “just a 50K” because a lot of people will never run that far but I know I’m capable of more, so it really hurts. And I keep thinking of the what-ifs — what if I had just tried to at least push on to the next aid?

My friends and family are all saying I should feel proud of myself but I don’t right now. I feel like I let my pacers down, because now they don’t get to pace me and we were all so excited about it. I feel like I let my parents down because they came up to support me. I don’t know if I want to attempt it again next year because I’m worried about failing again, but part of me also hopes it was just a bad day and maybe next year will be better.

I know DNFs are part of running, especially ultras, but this one really stings and I’m not sure how to move past it right now. I was also looking forward to taking some time off after the race and just running for fun before ramping up for my next race in September, but now I feel like I have to get right back into it since I “only” did a 50K.