BFN today and my doctor was dismissive
TW: LC
11 week MMC in March, my sister is due in 2 weeks, I was meant to be due in 7 weeks.
Needless to say this cycle felt important - my last chance to get pregnant before my nephew arrives.
We both have one LC already and although I didn’t miscarry, I did take a year to fall pregnant and she got pregnant very quickly, so I had a year of negatives watching her bump grow. That time I fell pregnant 3 weeks before her baby arrived and thankfully all went smoothly. It was a really hard year for me. Lots of envy and we drifted apart. The couple of intervening years were amazing, we were so close, our babies love each other.
We’ve drifted again since my miscarriage - she was with me in the scan where I found there was no heartbeat. We still talk and when we hang we are fine, we chat really openly. But we don’t chit chat anywhere near as much because I can’t bring myself to ask her about her pregnancy, I feel so guilty.
This cycle felt like a mirror of my successful one with my son, and I had sooo much hope - even saw a rainbow blob in the sky on a hot sunny day.
Also my mum just wants to “fix” me (why don’t you get a loan out and do IVF?) because I’m bringing the family mood down at an exciting time and I feel super guilty for that as well.
Booked a GP appointment for today as soon as I got my negative test, but I could only get one with the doctor who always dismisses pretty much any concern you have about anything. I cried and she said “well you’re not going to get pregnant like that”. She also told me not to track ovulation and made me feel stupid for doing it. I did manage to get her to refer me for a scan to check for scarring, just something to feel like I’m doing something.
She wouldn’t refer me to fertility even though the NHS says 6 months over 35 (I’m 37). She said she will only do it after 9 failed cycles post miscarriage.
Currently having a solo glass of wine in the sun as my work gives us summer Fridays off. A dream situation in normal life but oh how I wish I wasn’t allowed this wine!
Thank you for letting me vent here, it’s always cathartic to get it out especially when you know people reading will understand.