the cost of ego pt 2
As i said in the last part about my father's situation, this is about what happened from january till now.
My father still refuses to get a job because he says he doesn’t want to work under someone. But the business isn’t improving either. He keeps borrowing money from loan apps, friends, relatives, literally anyone possible, yet barely any money comes home apart from groceries and basic expenses.
Even among his friends and relatives, he doesn’t have a good name anymore because he still hasn’t returned the money he borrowed.
Last year my father couldn’t even buy my sister a new dress for her birthday. My mother covered it up by making her wear a dress my cousin had given earlier.
By February, my mother had already started getting anxious about school fees again because of what happened the previous year.
This year my fees became ₹72,000 and my sister’s new school required ₹40,000 for admission. My school allows fees to be split into halves if parents submit a request letter to the principal. I told my father about it february, he told he'll do it in march but he kept delaying it. In the end, right before the due date at april, I was the one who wrote the letter myself and gave it to him to submit.
Even after giving the letter, he never went to check the approval status because he still needed money to pay. My sister still hasn’t been admitted to her new school either, because he needs money to pay.
The worst part is that now he can’t even ask anyone else for money because he already owes too many people.
At the end of April, my mother fought with him and took us to my mama’s house. My mama thought the school fees had already been paid because he gave one lak loan to my father as my mother asked it for fees but she asked it because of my father for the business.
Since then, my mother keeps saying my father only thinks about himself and the business, not us.
When my sister’s birthday came on 17th, my mom asked if he's coming, turns out, he didn’t even remember it. My mother once again covered things up by making her wear an new dress we had bought before. My father came to mama’s house, brought biryani, ate with us, spoke about his problems, and left before even seeing her cut the cake or celebrate it.
My mother has been getting worse day by day because of all this stress. Sometimes she says she’ll die because of him or disappear somewhere so that only then he’ll understand the seriousness of everything.
Yesterday we finally came back home.
My mother barely spoke to my father, and he didn’t say much either. In the evening, she suddenly dressed up and said she was going to the grocery store. A little later my father followed her outside. But she came back before him and later told me she had actually gone to the temple.
Then she said something that scared me.
She told me that if my father hadn’t followed her, she might have gone somewhere else instead.
She also told me not to go to school until he paid the fees. School reopens on May 25th.
This morning my father had told my mother that he would explain everything about the loans and finances in the evening. But my mother again told him that I wouldn’t go to school until he paid the fees.
I was in another room doing homework when I suddenly heard a loud thud. At first I ignored it, thinking the sound came from outside. But then my father came to my room and asked me to come out.
My mother’s phone was lying broken on the floor.
My father picked it up again, smashed it harder, and started shouting at me, asking why I didn’t tell him what my mother said yesterday. I tried explaining that I wanted to wait a few more days to see whether he would arrange the fees or not, but he wouldn’t listen.
He shouted at me saying that my mother has only an hour or so and that she'd die or go somewhere else too.
He kept shouting about the financial situation, saying my mother was acting emotionally despite knowing everything, and blaming me for hiding it from him, and asked us both if we ever asked him about the fees or anything after coming home yesterday when that was all my mom was asking the whole time in the month of april and may whenever she can and at one point she stopped because he never had an answer for it.
My heart was pounding so hard that I felt like crying, i felt like shouting back at him telling him that it was his fault but i just couldn't.
Then suddenly he told me not to stop doing homework just because the fees weren’t paid and left the room angrily, then told me to do.
Later he came back calmly and explained how stressed my mother was. He even told me to call him if she dressed up and went outside again.
But when I went to my mother, she started crying too. She said my father would only explain his loans and problems again and nothing would actually change. She kept talking about the huge amount of money he still had to repay.
I cried too, but I didn’t let her notice.
She went on to say that she'll keep doing this and that this is a punishment for him so that he'll act accordingly and that i should not worry about this and do my work. she told me that she was about to go outside after the fight but didn't because of me and my sister.
I don’t know what is wrong with both of them anymore.
Every time I tell them to talk properly, my father either stays silent or leaves after another fight.
I don't know what to do and i'm uncertain about my life, i've already had thoughts of leaving it all but still i've not for them but as days going by i feel like i'm a burden to them especially my father, because of me he's paying fees to school which makes him get loan, because of that my mom is getting lunatic, i don't know i really think it's ok to end it all.
I vented here because i have nowhere or anyone to tell all this, if i don't let it out i might be the first one to go, it's driving me insane istg