u/mcl5371

Hey y’all, first time poster here. I was asked to be the best man for my best friend’s wedding. It is such an honor to be asked and he would be mine too, we’ve been best friends since 2017. He hasn’t mentioned anything about giving a speech to me, but I am fairly certain the best man and maid of honor will be expected to give speeches.

I have had intense social anxiety my whole life, and my number 1 phobia is public speaking. I was watching a wedding recap video last night and they had a clip of the best man giving a speech, and I had an anxiety attack even thinking about having to give one myself. I’ve already been piecing things together for months that I was going to say, but this speech is making me dread the wedding and is affecting me daily, I think about it constantly and have even had nightmares about it.

I know that if I brought this up to him, he wouldn’t want me to feel this way and would be completely okay with me not giving a speech, but it still would make me feel terrible that I can’t do this for him. But I really want to be present at the wedding and enjoy celebrating their love. I know myself well enough to know that it will make me dread the day, as well as the weeks and months leading up to it which I’m already experiencing. I’m a violent shaker when I have to talk in public, even in a small group of 5 people. It’s something that I need to seek mental help for.

My question is, is it horrible of me to talk to my friend and ask if he could ask one of the groomsmen (or someone else) to make the speech in my place? I would emphasize how special it is to me that he asked me to be his best man and how happy I am to get to celebrate this with them. I want to do other special things for them, but this speech is really affecting me in ways I haven’t experienced before. I plan to still write a speech and give it to him before or after the wedding. Please let me know your thoughts and thank you so much for the help.