Burnt out + deeply dissatisfied with my work, but can't seem to break away from my ways and experiment/find something new- please advise.
I just posted the below in the general photography sub, but also wanted to post here, as I consider this my "home sub" kind of. Some of you might recall my posting similar such threads in the past... sad to report nothing has changed, but am really, really, intent on make major changes moving forward, effective asap, so am hoping for your help. Some of you know me somewhat personally and are even in my city, so feel free to reach out if you have any advice. And sorry to those of you who cringe at my posts/work (trust me, I do too, but am trying to improve). Hoping this is the last time I make this type of post and only share nice images in the future. Anyways:
Hi,
I've been shooting "professionally" on and off for over 15 years now, and have really, really, come to detest my work. I think the images are serviceable, but what I really hate is the stagnation- I began to merely coast probably up to a decade ago. I stumbled on this aesthetic I liked/gravitate towards and have just stuck with it. It's so safe (boring) and the editing is just awful and too heavy-handed.
Yet this many years doing it, I feel like a train glued to the tracks, and what might seem an easy solution to you- "just experiment more"- seems literally impossible for me, if you can believe it. I literally don't know how to do anything other than this thing I've done for so long- I have tried, but the results are so out of whack with what I've come to expect of myself that I just revert to the tried and true.
Physical injuries and some medical conditions have only compounded this stagnation, but that's mostly a cop-out... truth is, I very easily could've and should've been doing more, but comfort is the easy road and the one I've taken. And the crazy thing is, I give so much of myself to my shoots and my editing, it drains my life force, yet I hate it all. Such an incredibly weird place to be.
When I was starting out in my late-teens/early-20's, my work was so much more fresh, you could see the youth and excitement, wasn't afraid to experiment. Now, yeah, just the same over and over and over again, session after session, year after year. Frankly, I couldn't care less if it means I have a style or that people like it enough to hire me or whatever- this stagnation is the opposite of what I'm about, what I want + expect of myself... yet I just cannot break these habits- I wish there was a restart/reformat button for this type of thing... it's a lot more difficult to break out of your own self-imposed shackles than it seems.
Just curious if anyone's experience this kind of self-loathing, laziness, etc., and if so, how you eventually broke out of it. I've made threads like this in the past, but nothing's changed- I'm SO beyond ready for a damn change now. Any advice would be tremendously appreciated.
Also, since this is a more pro/gear-heavy sub, I'd love to know what your favourite sources for learning new/different lighting setups, about modifiers, etc. are, as I believe that's at least one large bit of my problem- I use the same one-light setup for literally everything I shoot... I enjoy the results of my natural light location shoots more, but don't want to be a hack and just hope weather is on my side, etc.- I want to actually have control over the scenes and really be a creator of images.